Come and be my exceedingly great reward You're the treasure that I would give my whole life for What would it profit me to gain the world but lose my soul? I know my life is not my own
If you know me well enough, you know that I don't do well with dealing with people. Especially young people. What led me to volunteer at a youth arts camp for teens aged between 13 - 17 is one thing. I, at least, was somewhat prepared for it. The drama that teens create that do not relate to the Christmas drama (totally not related to camp) was another thing altogether. Add to that hormones. And overall levels of frustration. "Stress" is too mild a word. I had stabby feelings. Very, very stabby feelings.
One thing that has helped me keep my sanity was Josh's Here in the Waiting album. Like seriously.
The songs on this album aren't exactly new to me. I was there at PenHOP during the recording in May, so I've listened to and sung these songs over and over again. But listening to them again in my car was like a breath of fresh air; like a new wind.
HITW is an album of intimacy. Kau Yang Terelok, Surrender and One Glance are love songs to the Father, Hear Him Roar and The Return are declarations of power, Breath of Heaven invites us to invite God to work in us. And Here in the Waiting itself is the heart-cry of a generation desperate to see the Father move.
Maturity is the ability to live in the tension of unresolved questions. It is the ability to navigate the space between the already’s and not-yet’s of life while being fully present in the now. As believers, we are caught in the pull of the kingdom now and yet-to-come, the “fulfillment without consummation”. We see God’s power manifested through healing and miracles, yet see bodies ravaged by disease and lives truncated by death. We see justice movements being raised and released on the earth, yet are confronted daily with the injustices of living in a fallen world. As beings created with eternity in our hearts, it is difficult, even discouraging, to confront the stark disparity between what is and what should be.
And this is the space I've been inhabiting lately. A place where I see the things that should be and yet stand in the place where it is not. I see the so much more that we could be, but I do not know how to get there. And I do not know if we will. And yet we hope. We wait. We long.
After the final note of the last track has faded and what’s left in the heart of the listener is an aching and longing for Jesus and a desire to love Him more, then it would have all been worth it.
It has then been worth it.
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So in lieu of a #musicmonday post and a book review post that's being rescheduled to Friday, here's a song and an invitation. :)
I was going to write a flash fiction, but I was busy and
OH LOOK!
HERE IN THE WAITING PROMO VIDEO!
Also, Josh wrote a blog post. After something like 5 years. Well, maybe 4.
The challenge of waiting is keeping a heart alive with hope. While it is true that “hope deferred makes the heart sick”, it is also true that “a desire fulfilled is a tree of life.” The question I asked myself often in the process of creating this album was: What do I desire? The answer to that question determines what we do in the waiting. It determines what we do while waiting for that promise to be fulfilled, for that sickness to be healed, that spouse to be revealed. More importantly, it affects what do we do with our hearts in the midst of the waiting. How do we posture our hearts so that our waiting is in hopeful expectation and not heart sickness?
There were other choices for this, which actually starts with a "K", but this appeared on my setlist, and my heart went yes.
[Okay, I'm not seeing the player thing in preview, but I'm assuming it will appear. If it doesn't, click here to play.]
Josh is a childhood friend of mine. We grew up together. Like literally from babies. We still technically live 5 minutes from each other and are always saying we should meet up, but we haven't for a long time.
His new album is coming out this year! [Wait, I said that last year, but this year, he confirmed it's this year!] Here's his interview from when the last album was released.
Where do I even start?
I've known you since... forever. Hah. :) I was going to dig out some old photos, but I figured that *I* would probably be more embarrassed about them than you, so... I'm sticking to (mostly) what's already on the internet. (Also I'm lazy. I can't remember where they're kept and I'm a little disinclined to go search. Besides, that's what Facebook is for.)
You've always been the musical one, so it's not surprising that most of my memories with you include music somewhere - singing Disney ballads after watching the cartoons, caroling, firebrands worship team, youth camp...
... and the fasollado singers!
I am blessed to call you a friend. Proverbs 27:17 says, "As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend," and I believe I have learnt so much just by growing up with you. Where else would I have learnt to be such a perfectionist? (and competitive as well!) I am always encouraged to hear what God has been doing in your life, even if we only meet like... once in six months or so. Haha.
Okay, that picture wasn't on facebook, but, for memories' sake, that was a big part of our history! (At least before everyone started going their merry ways.) Still waiting for the next one... or at least the next album from you. This year, right? ;)
As you enter a new stage of life, may you find greater fulfilment in Christ; may Christ alone satisfy your every need and deepest longings. May His fire and His passion fill your soul; may your mind and your eyes be renewed each day to think as He does, to see as He sees. May your mouth be filled with endless praise and your heart be filled with ceaseless songs; may you be His instrument of worship as you transcribe the songs of heaven, and raise them up again as incense to His name.
Thank you for being a significant part of my journey so far. This has been us. :)
The weekends when I lead worship at church are often both stressful and satisfying. (Okay, it's only stressful for me and the musicians because I'm a muddle-minded person).
Today, for example, our drummer didn't turn up. We pressed on, with keys and guitar. Then our LCD projector blew a fuse in the middle of Lead me to the cross. And you know, that's a difficult song; it has so many words. We pressed on - even the littlest child can sing the chorus of In moments like these. Then the pastor's microphone didn't work. He swapped mikes and pressed on.
It felt like a recipe for disaster, but it wasn't.
And somewhere in the back of my mind was the question, 'why does this always happen to me?'
But that's an unfair question, because it doesn't always happen to me. And even when it does, you know that it only makes you rely on God all the more.
Sometimes I think that's why it happens to me. Because sometimes I think I can handle it when I know I can't. And though mostly I hope for a great worship session, I'm usually thankful that we got through the set with minimal disasters. After every worship session, I thank God for getting us through, and promise I'll be better prepared the next time, I'll dig deeper in His Word, but life gets in the way, and sometimes I do, but more often I don't. That's probably not a very good confession to be hearing from your worship leader, but sometimes it really is the truth! (And if you can't be truthful to your church, who can you be truthful with?)
I just bookmarked this verse during service this morning:
Luke 22:32 - But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.
It kind of struck me... did you ever realise that Jesus said "And when you have turned back"? It presupposes we will fall but we will get up again. Okay, yes we know that Peter denied Jesus and later he turned back and led the church; we know that in hindsight. Imagine, for a moment, if you were Peter, and you knew with all your heart you would never fail Jesus... and then you did. That one word, "when" would have made a lot of difference for me.
So we press on, continually press on.
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CHRISTMAS GIVEAWAYS!
I've blogged about my good friend Josh before - last year, I did an artist interview with him when he first launched his album, In That Day.
This year, I'm running a giveaway for his album (digital download), unless you live in Malaysia, in which case I can arrange an autographed copy for you. It's an easy entry giveaway!
Also, I've been much blessed by the Next Level worship series by David Santistevan, and was also privileged to participate in the launch of his book, The Worship Songwriter, in October. So here's another easy entry giveaway!
Entries close on 23 December 2012!
(p/s I've moved the rafflecopter to a separate post here.)
God rest you merry, gentlemen Let nothing you dismay
Justin looked up from his laptop, yawning. The incessant carols were making his head pound over and above the crick in his neck. He stretched, glancing at the clock on the wall. Another hour, he told himself, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose. Another hour and I should be done. I hope. Holly had been nagging him about going Christmas shopping all week, and he had finally agreed to go with her this weekend. He groaned. This weekend started in two hours - if only he could finish all this work in time. “Sir, we’re taking our last orders now. Is there anything else that you need?” the waitress hovered at his elbow. He eyed the three drained mugs in front of him. “A mocha - no wait, give me an Espresso. Thanks.” He nodded the woman away, concentrating again on his spreadsheets. He barely realised the time ticking away as he worked, downing the steaming brew in gulps. It was past midnight when they finally shooed him out of the store to lock up. He shrugged his backpack on his right shoulder, gripping a file under his left arm as he dug in his pocket to find his car key.
It was just his luck, he grumbled to himself as he lay in bed, that the one night he needed desperately to sleep, his caffeine overdose had to kick into overdrive and leave him wide awake. He pulled the comforter over his head in a bid to keep the street lights out of his eyes, but ended up kicking the thing off the bed when it got too hot and stuffy. Time to get thicker curtains, he made a mental note, if he could afford it. He would not be able to afford it after tomorrow. Holly had a gift list a mile long, and expected him to chip in whether he wanted to or not. He hadn’t even thought about what to get for her yet. He glanced at the clock again, realising he had spent two hours awake in bed. He decided that since he couldn’t sleep, he might as well be productive. Justin turned on his laptop in the darkness of his room.
“Where are you, Justin? You were supposed to pick me up half an hour ago,” Holly whined when her boyfriend finally picked up the phone. There were muffled sounds on the other end of the line. “Don’t tell me you’re still asleep? It’s past noon, for goodness’ sake! What on earth were you doing last night? Partying?” “Sorry, Hol. I was working,” Justin yawned into the phone. He rubbed his eyes, blinking against the strong sunlight. “I’ll be over in half an hour.” “Fine. Don’t be late,” she snapped before hanging up. Justin stared blearily at the laptop that was perched precariously between his lap and a stray pillow, trying to gather his scattered thoughts. Pulling it out of sleep mode, he squinted at the documents he had been working on before he fell asleep and saved it as a new file, just in case. He turned it off, placing it carefully on the floor beside him as he stumbled out of bed and into the shower.
For Jesus Christ our Saviour Was born on Christmas-day
“I don’t know what’s wrong with you, seriously,” Holly started in on him as soon as she got into the car. “It’s Christmas. It’s supposed to be fun. You’re supposed to take time off, instead of working longer hours at that horrible office of yours. You’re turning into a regular Scrooge.” “I have deadlines to meet, Holly,” he tried to say patiently. “Don’t take that tone with me. You agreed to this shopping trip - don’t try to deny it.” “I don’t deny it, it’s just that -” he bit down on his tongue. “It’s just what? You can’t just spend the day with me anymore?” “Hol -” “I don’t suppose you care that I’ve been waiting for you all morning. I don’t suppose you actually care that all I wanted was an enjoyable day with you and now you’ve ruined it.” “Don’t cry, please, Holly. We have the rest of the day before us. I’m sorry I overslept. We’ll have a great time, alright?” he reached over, gripping her soft, thin fingers in his. “We’ll have the best Christmas ever, you and I. She sniffled softly, squeezing his hand in return.
Five hours later, he tried to stifle the huge yawn as it made its way out. Holly glared at him. “Sorry,” he mumbled as he followed her into the next store, at least a dozen different bags gripped in his hands. She ignored him, fuming inside. How dare he spoil Christmas with his ratty attitude? Can’t he see what he’s doing to me? It’ll totally serve him right if I don’t get him anything at all. Silently, she picked out a tube of lipstick and a bottle of perfume for her sister and waited as he paid for the bill. “Do you want to break for dinner?” he asked as they walked out of the store. She shrugged. “What do you have in mind?” He wanted to suggest the cheapest food shop outside the mall, fried noodles or burgers for a few dollars each but he sucked in his breath and asked, “What do you fancy?” She named an upscale restaurant and he almost winced, barely managing to nod in agreement. He mentally toted up the total charges made to his credit card during the day and decided to use his emergency card, just in case. She would never forgive him if he backed out on dinner now, or if his card was rejected during payment. He missed the days when Christmas was a nice family dinner and maybe a few friends going out for a drink; the days when they made their cards - and sometimes gifts - by hand, each personalised item saying volumes about both the giver and the recipient. He missed the manger and the babe, poignant reminders of a life bigger than himself.
“I was thinking, maybe we should go to church for Christmas,” he said as they waited for their food to arrive. “What on earth for?” “Because it’s Christmas?” “I don’t have time for that God crap,” she replied. “I’ll be busy preparing for lunch, remember - you are coming for lunch, aren’t you? I mean, it’s bad enough you’re not even going to have dinner on the eve with me - you had better be there for lunch.” “I will be there for lunch. I told you, I have dinner with my family on Christmas eve.” “Like that’s an excuse. Why can’t you invite me over?” “Holly, please. I -” he stopped as his phone started ringing. “Sorry, it’s my boss,” he said, holding up a hand, begging her to wait. Holly rolled her eyes. “Your boss again,” she griped loudly. “How many freaking times does he have to call you on the weekend? He’s such a… a Grinch!” He scowled just a little and got out of his seat, walking to a quiet corner of the restaurant to answer the call. She was drumming her fingers on the table irritably when he came back and slid back into his seat. “Am I or am I not your girlfriend?” she demanded. “You are, but -” “Then why is your stupid boss more important than me?” “It’s my job. I need -” “This is ridiculous. I can’t even spend a day with you without your job butting in on us.” “And what do you suggest I do?” he said, from behind clenched teeth. “I don’t know, leave it.” “And where do I get money then?” “Find another job. There are like millions of jobs out there - get another one.” “It’s not that easy. Not many other jobs are willing to pay as much as this one does.” “It’s about the money, is it?” “No, it’s not. But I’m barely making ends meet with all the bills, all the stuff I pay for you, I -” “Fine. Let’s call it quits then.” “Holly -” “You make me sound like some crazy demanding bitch who just wants your money. If that’s all you think of me, then we might as well break up!” “Please -” She grabbed her shopping bags and stalked out of the restaurant. He couldn’t help the whiny voice in his head that said but you are to her retreating back.
To save us all from Satan's pow'r When we were gone astray
His tiny flat was cold and bare. He flicked the lights on and locked the door behind him. They had talked about putting up a tree, maybe some tinsel and lights. She had joked about mistletoe, saying that maybe for once he would kiss her. He had felt like such a prude when she said that, but it just hadn’t seemed right to him. Sometimes he felt like he belonged to another era. He tossed his keys and wallet on the table, wondering idly if it would be awkward for him to insist that she pay him back for the presents he had charged to his card today. At a loss, he switched on his laptop, drowning the fist around his heart in an endless list of numbers.
Justin smiled wanly at his family’s Christmas Eve dinner, his relatives putting down his lethargy to the long hours he put in at work. He didn’t bother to correct them. His caffeine habit would be hard to explain. He kept to himself, replaying the last few conversations with Holly over and over in his mind. He still couldn’t pinpoint the exact point in the conversation when everything went south. Looking up, he realised that his younger sister was hovering over him, hands on her hips. She grabbed his arm, pulling him after her out into the yard. “What happened?” He shrugged. “You can tell me,” she urged, scanning the lines on his face. “To what end, Janice?” “To get it off your chest.” “We broke up.” “She dumped you?” “Well -” “She did, didn’t she?” He shrugged again, reflexively. “Why - and how do you feel?” she changed her question, trying to read him like she used to. “Alright, actually. I’m finally seeing the inside of my own flat during the day now.” “Right before Christmas too.” “What?” “That’s mean.” He gave her a look. “Butt out.” “You shouldn’t let her do this to you.” “I don’t know why it matters so much to you, Jan.” “Because it’s mean. It’s unfair. You deserve better.” He caught her hand. “Which is why I’m not going to pursue this,” he said, the sudden decision lifting a heavy burden off his shoulders.
He looked uneasily around the room, made unfamiliar from the months he had been away. A plastic smile on his face, he steered himself into the quiet corner where the nativity display was housed. Glancing around to make sure that no one was looking, he knelt in front of the manger. “Hello,” he whispered, feeling a bit of a fool. “I haven’t seen you in a while. I don’t know how you knew, but you gave me exactly what I needed. It hurt, and I sometimes wish it hadn’t happened, but I think it was exactly the right thing at the right time.” Justin picked up the little baby figurine. “I guess I’m not quite a kid anymore and maybe I haven’t been good enough to warrant any presents from Santa, but hey, I’ve got you.” He kissed the figurine, placing it carefully back in the manger full of straw. He left the church with a spring in his step.
O tidings of comfort and joy comfort and joy O tidings of comfort and joy
So Project Dance is over, and for the benefit of Anne, I shall show her how my friend's drama run sheet, which is super cool, compares to MY run sheet, which is super confusing. Runsheet #fail.
Okay, so maybe they're not really comparable.
Well, I'm currently reading In Leah's Wake for the Social Media Whirlwind tour and should get the review up by this Friday. I think I can read that fast. Am enjoying it so far - take a peek at her interview yesterday and I would appreciate it plenty mucho if you would take the time to vote for my blog here. You can click on "click here to enter for the prizes" which may win you something, and then you can click on "click here to vote" which will put me in the running for a prize too. So it's a win-win, yes?
*makes super cute puss-in-boots eyes* - which reminds me I still haven't watched it yet, even though I've been saying for ages that I want to.
Also, check out Josh's interview here - and if you haven't already bought his CD or attended his album launch, this is a reminder that his next release performances are as follows:
Other album release performances:
17 Dec (Sat) 8pm @ Fettes Park Baptist Church (FPBC) (15 Jalan Meranti,11200 Tanjung Bungah, Penang)
18 Dec (Sun) 8pm @ FGA Centre Air Itam (10, Jalan Air Itam, Mukim 16 Air Itam, 11500 Penang)
Taking a page off the interwebs, I'm doing an artist interview with Josh Yeoh in line with the launch of his worship album, In That Day, today!
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So, questions, questions, questions!
This album, In That Day, seems to have sprung to us from out of nowhere, along the lines of *khazam! An album appears!* Can you give us the low down on how it came about?
Technically, I've wanted to do a worship album even before my first album. I just never felt it was the right time. And then right after the 168 Hours of Prayer this year, I got the "green light" from the Man Upstairs. Which was ridiculous, because it was also when I was the busiest. But I knew it was Him, and even when He said it'd be done in November (which is ridiculous... I say that a lot, don't I?), I knew that it would be a testimony about His strength being perfected in weakness. So yeah, it's been something that's on my heart for a long time, but it only just kind of came together in the past three months.
How does the recording of In That Day compare to Is Anyone Out There?
I thought about how to describe it because I don't want you to think that one is more or less personal than the other; they are both deeply dear and personal to me. So this is how I think I'll describe the difference. It's like if you had two blogs -- one for random "this is what is going on in my life" type entries that people are welcome to read and they might really be impacted or learn something from it, but the main focus was really just what you were going through. That would be "Is Anyone Out There?". Then the other type of blog where you have a message burning on your heart and you write passionately about it and people who read it are impacted not so much by your personal experiences, but what you are saying as a result of those experiences and what you are learning combined. That's "In That Day". :)
You mentioned in your e-mail update that things were getting a bit crazy towards the end - what kept you going through it all?
Prayer. Seriously. And people stepping up to say, "Hey Josh, don't go crazy, let me help organize your life for you". That and caffeine. Caffe Laffare.
Describe the theme of your whole album in one word. :)
Revelation.
Which was the most difficult song to write? And which was the easiest?
If degrees of difficulty were measured by hours, then "Prepare The Way" would be the most difficult, simply because it started when I was 16. I have a fun story about that, you'll have to ask me next time. :) And the easiest would be "The Bridegroom King", which wrote itself in less than five minutes. I think I edited one word.
Describe yourself in three words.
Friend of Bridegroom. (You didn't say it had to be grammatically correct)
When is the next time you're going to update your blog? Will it be sometime in the next decade? *evil grin*
Have you been on my website? I totally wrote a blog there! It's ominously reminiscent of the blog entry I wrote when I tried to restart my other blog. And the other one. And the other one. But thankfully, this time, I think I have a plan of action.
Who's your favourite songwriter and why?
Oh no. I hate these types of questions. It's so restrictive. Can I pick two? That's already asking a lot! I like Phil Wickham and Brooke Fraser, although they both write pretty differently. But I like them for the same reasons: the way they marry text, tune and theology.
Tell us how and why you started writing songs.
I think the first song I ever wrote was for Teacher's Day when I was 10. I, unfortunately, still remember parts of the song. So I started writing out of necessity? :) I guess that's somewhat true. Why did YOU start writing, Anna Tan? [not answering that, nope!]
Any words of advice to aspiring songwriters out there?
Don't say "God gave me this song" and then refuse to edit. Songwriting is a craft. It's partnering with the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, and it's good stewardship to learn how to write good songs. I'm constantly learning. I just discovered I really like using internal rhyme. That and... don't stop writing. You never know how a song you wrote over 10 years ago and thought wasn't much good would come back and become the opening song of your second album. :)
Thanks, Anna!
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Alright - so if you're free tonight, drop by at Excel Point Community Church (EPCC)at 7:00pm for his album release performance together with the Saturday Night Live (SNL) service.
2-2-15, Pekaka Square, Lebuh Pekaka Satu, 11700 Sg. Dua, Penang, Malaysia
Other album release performances:
17 Dec (Sat) 8pm @ Fettes Park Baptist Church (FPBC) (15 Jalan Meranti,11200 Tanjung Bungah, Penang)
18 Dec (Sun) 8pm @ FGA Centre Air Itam (10, Jalan Air Itam, Mukim 16 Air Itam, 11500 Penang)
Okay... so I'm pretty excited about this coming album launch. =)
I've known Joshua since we were little tots, or more like babies. I was trying to find the photo of us as babies... I thought it was on facebook, but apparently not anymore. Here's an entertaining picture of us anyways (him at least):
Back (L-R): Joshua, Francis Sitting (L-R): Ee Laine, Yuin-Y, Me!
Oh wait, I found it.
L-R: Uncle Darren & Charis, Uncle Keat Cheong & Joshua, Uncle Heok Hee & Esther, Uncle Lye Hin & Timothy, my dad and me.
WAY back, right?
I could go through a gazillion things we've done together, but I won't. I've already written about it for his birthday post here. I'm really blessed to be his friend and it's really awesome to see what God is doing in his life. I'm jealous! (Ah, another post for another day)
Back to the topic at hand, in that day releases Dec 10 - which is this Saturday!
Josh's sophomore project introduces 13 songs, all birthed in the Prayer Room, "In That Day" is a worship album that centers on the revelation of Jesus as Bridegroom, King and Judge. The album features well-loved tracks from Josh like "Where You Are" and "Desire Of Every Nation", and many new and original songs that will usher you into His presence and ignite a deeper longing for the Day when we see Him face to face.
Check out the previews here and here and see you at the concert(s)!
p/s: I'm thinking of doing an interview, but I don't know what to ask. If you have any questions you're dying to ask him, let me know! E-mail me at natanna [at] gmail [dot] com. Will try to get this up by this Sat! (Assuming he entertains my questions).
p.p/s: The video announcement says that the digital release should be yesterday (12/5), but up to the time of posting, the bandcamp link still says it's blank. I'm assuming it's a timing glitch (USA vs the rest of the world) but will check and find out![edit: link is working!]
So. Twenty-seven years ago, you were born. And I've known you for almost 27 of them. Technically. If you count me being in my mom's womb, I've known you for all 27, but that's a bit hard to grasp. Hm. Well, never mind.
I don't really know where I'm going with this. I kind of had an idea earlier, but it slipped my mind between arriving home and turning on the computer and being distracted by Twitter.
We've done much together: firebrands, cell group, writing, acting and directing Star of Persia, worship teams, add maths tuition (HAH I RULE!), camps, random e-mails, strange twitter exchanges, birthday parties, FYU, supper, YOUR FIRST ACCIDENT WITH ME IN THE CAR (It was the first, right?). I'm sure there's much more I haven't mentioned...
You know, sometimes I listen to a bit of flak about your current um, overspiritual state, and how sometimes it's hard to talk with you without it turning into a well, sermon. But that's you. It's what you're excited about and it's exciting that God is doing so much with you. Or you are doing so much with God, whichever way you want to put it. It's beautiful to listen to your passion. I guess I love the way you make me want to do more, to press on more, to not be satisfied with where I am just by listening to your stories.
Maybe I'm getting old enough to wax nostalgic about the "good old days". But we should hang out. Soon. When I'm not so busy, and you're not so busy.
So here's to more of God in your future; that your wildest dreams will be fulfiled with more than you've ever hoped for, because when you glory in God, He glories in you.