Wednesday, 31 May 2006

"here I am to worship"

Here I am to worship
Here I am to bow down
Here I am to say that
You're my God
You're altogether lovely
Altogether worthy
Altogether wonderful
To me
I can't sing this song without remembering her. Let's call her... L. I can't really remember her name anymore - I think I know it, but I might be mistaken, and I don't want to accidentally call her by someone else's name.

I didn't really know her. She came for camp once, and I could have met her once or twice after that, but that's all. I don't know if she's still alive. There's this thought in my head, that she might not be, but I don't know if it was just a silly thought, or a mixed up message, or whether it's true and I heard it somewhere.

L was having a "troubled" time. She was on crutches at camp. They said she was high on drugs and tried to commit suicide. Her mind was already a bit warped from the drugs. She was a rich kid. It was the first time that I ever heard that people in church could teach you to use drugs. But that's what I heard. Everything I know, or think I know, about her is hearsay. I don't know the truth.

All I can tell you about L from personal experience is this: walking back to my room at camp, and seeing her sit outside singing that chorus while waiting for her room leader to come with the key. I think we entered my room, and she sat down to wait, still singing that chorus.

She really loved the song.

Every time we sing that song now, I think of her, though I didn't really know her. It's beautiful to know that no matter how lost she may have been, or how far away from God at that point of time, she could still say, "hey, I may not be the best of Christians, and I know I messed up big time, but You're still my God, I'll still worship You, and you know what? You're still wonderful, even if my life isn't," through that song.

Muse: but what does it really mean, to "bless the heart of God"?

Purpose

A blog has a purpose.
The one at tabulas would be for normal updates. You know, updates as in for randomness, life experiences, blah-dee-blahs.
This one... well, I've always wanted a space for y'know, deeper stuff. But I know not everyone wants to read them - those loooonnnggg posts that expound and talk, and raise questions. They need space. And I guess tabulas is not the place. Too many people. Too many churchmates, friends, authorities (read: parents, uncles and aunties) that might start asking me awkward questions that I don't want to answer.

Rules for this blog?
Do comment. Give me your views. Tell me if I'm going heretic. But don't talk to me about it in real life, face-to-face. I can't handle that.

What's it going to be about?
Thoughts.
By the fireplace.
Notes from my erratic Bible studies.
Things y'know, that you think about. That you muse about.
Frustrations.

So, here's to thinking. *chinks glasses*
I hope I do.