11 Nov

Dear God,
It has been a while.
A long while.
I don't know why, I don't know where and I don't know how.
There are simply no words to say, and simply nothing I can do to make it better.
I am distracted. You know why. Couldn't you make it any clearer or am I not reading you right? Am I so caught up that I can't tell the difference anymore?
You work wonders, I know.
Only, the wonder I'm truly waiting for just seems to tantalizingly out of my reach.
I don't want to make the first move. I don't think I should. But all the same, I wish I could. Am I merely being afraid of nothing?
Is this even right?
Sometimes I feel like I can't function anymore.
There needs to be something more concrete than this... living life.
I feel like running away, running and running and never coming back. I'm not handling this right.
I don't think I will ever understand it.
Maybe I'm just not sleeping enough.
I don't want to go on Sat. Not only because I have other plans, but because of what they want to talk about. I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to hear about it.
I'm still in avoidance mode, and I know it.
Something's got to give, but I don't know what. I've said this before. But everytime something gives, something else takes it place.
When will this ever end?
I'm tired.
Frustrated.
I wish you could just be here.
Hold me.
Let me know it's going to be okay.
Good night. I'm too tired. I ache all over.
But he was nice today.
And you were good.
So I shall rest happy.
At least.

Yours,
me.