So maybe I don't believe in the church anymore. I don't. Really. It has its place, yes, but it is not all-important. Your church shouldn't define you, or your faith. Because the church is only human and humanity has a 110% success rate at tearing itself apart.
Sometimes it has nothing to do with finding the right church for you. It's about being hurt by the church, and being hurt by the people who should have known better, should have cared more and who will be held accountable for your soul.
Maybe when we've realised how flawed the church is the time when we've healed enough to take that step back. But until then, disassociation and de-conversion works takes its toll on our lives. And it is at that very point that the church, which should reach in grace, pushes its legalism and judgement, tipping the breaking point.
The feather of grace becomes the hammer of judgement.
So maybe I don't believe in church anymore, because the church has failed us too many times, where it really matters the most.
What I believe in is the Bride Unsullied. I believe in community. I believe in finding friends who won't let you go, no matter how far you run. I believe in friends who may not understand where you're coming from, and friends who have been where you are, and friends who may or may not agree with you, but friends who will still be friends, even when you've fallen from grace, or think you have fallen from grace. I believe in holding you to a higher standard, because I believe in you. Because i know you can rise again and it doesn't always have to be this way.
And I believe it when it says there is no condemnation even if I don't understand where you are, or why.