What's Stopping You?

I find that as time goes by, I get to know myself better. Life throws me into situations that challenge me to think, act and hopefully, change.

It seems that any time you want to take up something new, or progress in something known, the same question pops up. It's been popping up very frequently of late, as I think about what my goals are going to be in regards to my health and fitness level (yes, it's time I got into a shape other than round and pear-ish), my artistic (writing and performance arts) goals and my goals at work.

What's stopping you?

Frankly, what's stopping me is plainly, well, me.

First and foremost, there's that whole thing of having to actually get off the computer and off facebook and off msn, twitter, gtalk, blogs and all that (online) distracting stuff. It's not that I don't have time to do things. It's that I waste time doing things that aren't important. That was one major point brought up during camp. It's not that I didn't already know it. I just needed some reminding and prodding.

And I'm trying. I used to think I had very good self-control. I've realised that over the years, I've been giving in to my impulses so much that I need to work on it again. I need to be able to tell myself no, and keep to it.

Secondly, it's my very nature, for good and for bad, of being a shy perfectionist. What does that mean? It's basically this: I am shy and afraid of embarrassment, and anything I do that is short of perfect in my eyes, or which will potentially make me feel stupid, dumb, embarrassed, idiotic, weird, will make me shy away from doing things that I really want to do, or on the other side, that I know I really need to do.

Writing this could possibly make me feel somewhat stupid or embarrassed, especially if some especially insensitive comment comes into being. What makes it possible for me to write this is that I am used to it. I have been blogging and writing long enough, sometimes in a very frivolous way, but at times in as much as a deep and open way as I feel is possible for the moment. And the fact that I know how it's done, what to do, and what kind of response to generally expect, I can do it.

Knowing this, I'm trying to build patterns and partners in my life. First, I need partners to walk me through the initial fear and fright. Then patterns, so that I can continue even when I am alone. It's not as easy as it seems. For some reason, I need to see what I'm going to do before I do it. Some people can wing it, and I'm jealous of that. For now, I'll focus on the patterns in my head.

What's stopping you?

Coming to the knowledge of what is really stopping you is very helpful. It helps you to realise your weaknesses. It helps you to think of alternative ways to get around your blockage. Every one has a blockage, at one time or another. What you do with that, and the realisation of that, is really up to you.

I'm trying to change.

Are you?