rambling dissertation

To step forward in faith, in love and in truth.
To take life by the reigns.
To do that which is necessary.

Of necessity.

Why?
Because there are so many things that I am willing to do, that willingness is not the issue.
The issue is whether I am capable of doing it.

The funny thing is, in lots of hero fiction, the idea is that if you volunteer rather than are volunteered it totally proves the fact that you are not right for the job of heroship. If it has popped up so many times does that mean there's some truth in it?

What I'm getting at, nonsequentially, is really this.
I know what needs to be done, and for what purpose.
I know mentally that I most probably can do it. With help.
I also know that I want to do it. It's my reasonable response.
But I also know in an emotional/spiritual sense that this is going to be very. very. hard.

On a side issue, I was reading one of those long discussions on "does God exist" (which miraculously always devolves into Christianity vs Atheism - I mean why not Islam vs Atheism then? Obviously only Christianity is the real threat) and my personal view on the matter is this:

If He didn't exist, this would be a non-issue.

The question wouldn't even have been raised. I mean, the only reason anyone really argues or defends themselves over any statement is really because they feel the need to prove themselves right. And usually one only needs to prove one's self right when there's something that tells you you're wrong.

But I am neither theologian nor apologist. So I shall not get involved.

And there is a classic example of distractionism. Or escapism.

So it comes back to the simple fact that
1) It is necessary.
2) It is yours.

as opposed to:
ibloodywelldon'twanttodoitbecausei'mnotpreparedandi'mnotaleaderandidon'twanttobealeaderanddoyouthinkthatifyoucouldpossiblygetaguy todoitandijustfollowalongandsortofassisthimbehindthescenesthatwillworkoutbetterandnotstressmeoutsomuchandnotmakemego...spare?

In a nutshell.

For: GOD SAYS YOU
Against: ME SAYS someone else... please?

And so yes, it's a question of willingness, but no, it is also not because I have already made up my mind and heart to do it.
It's just a question of making the flesh follow along.

And the people will come.

Because HE has said so.

If only I could hold on to that thought until they actually do show up.

It is necessary. And it is you.

*Sigh*

That settles it doesn't it?