Thursday 20 December 2007

Christmas blues

I've been having a good old pity party with Simeon. He was worried that I thought Christmas was all about presents. But when you drill down to it, Christmas isn't the issue. I suppose these lyrics contain it all:

"I Hate Christmas Parties" by Relient K
I hope it snows this week,
A snow flake on your cheek
Would make this Christmas so Beautiful
But that would just bring the pain
Cause things can’t stay the same
These Holidays won’t be wonderful

I look under the tree
But there’s nothing to see
Cause it’s a broken heart that you’re giving me
I can’t figure you out
Is this what Christmas is all about
Cause it’s a broken heart that you’re giving me

[Verse 2]
I don’t wanna talk
I’m sick of all this talking
A broken heart wrapped up in a Box
This tear drops in my stocking

I hate Christmas parties,
They offer me some punch,
But I just shrug
I hate Christmas parties
You and the cookie
Tray hear me say "Ba! Humbug"

But yes, besides birthdays, Christmas is one of the most depressing times of the year for a sensitive introvert. It's when you evaluate the friendships you've made, kept and lost over the year. And you start to wonder, "what could I have done better to make it right?" with a sinking feeling that it's all too late.

Sometimes it's alright because you realise that you've made new friends, and kept them. Most times it's not alright because you wonder why everyone else seems to be having so much fun without you.

Maybe it shouldn't matter so much. But it does.

And maybe this is where I launch into the whole "expectations" spiel that I intended to write at about in September but never did. Maybe this is where I say that if you don't expect anything, you'd be far better off because you won't be disappointed. You might even be pleasantly surprised.

Or maybe this is where I just need to sit back, relax and take things slowly. To take things a day at a time and not think too far into the future, or try to preempt what may happen, or may not. Dreams may be good and all, but sometimes it's also good not to think too far ahead.

Overthinking does me in. So does double-guessing. Maybe I just need to get out more.

(And I don't know why the font sizes are so whacked out)

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