Wednesday 5 October 2011

#REN3: Coach Thief

Prompt: There is an argument.
Wordcount: 434
Setting: Western (late 1900s)

Randall squinted in the hot sun. He could make out dust clouds in the distance and hoped that it was the herald of Cousin Jean’s arrival. He rubbed at his prickly chin, wondering if he should have taken the time to shave that morning, seeing that the coach was late anyway. Well, it was too late for that now. She would have to take him as he was.

The black and gold coach stopped outside the post office.

“Howdy, stranger,” Randall greeted the coachman. “Welcome to Renaissance. You be carrying Cousin Jean?”

The man looked him up and down. “No,” he replied gruffly, turning away, his eyes stripping the small outpost town.

“Ah, well. Come in through Targe, did you?”

“No.” He threw the reins down to Randall who caught them deftly.

“Kris or Villein then?”

“What’s it to you?”

Randall shrugged. “See any other travellers coming out your way?”

The coachman ignored him and entered the building. Randall tied the reins to a nearby post and went back to surveying the horizon.

The new dust cloud that appeared fifteen minutes later didn’t look big enough to be another coach. Randall shaded his eyes with his hand, trying to get a better look. The woman who came galloping in at full speed was furious - Randall could tell by the set of her mouth, the lines of her eyebrows. He was fairly sure the shade of her face was more to do with the blistering heat and dust than her current state of emotions.

“Why the hell did you steal my coach?” she yelled as she dismounted.

Randall looked around. “I…”

“Don’t deny it! And you dare stand here, waiting for me to catch up with you? What the hell is wrong with you?” She had him pressed against the wall of the post office, pounding his chest with each word.

“But Ma’am, twasn’t me! The man, he…”

“It was you, Mr. Fuzzy Face! Now own up. I had to borrow this lousy horse that I have to take all the way back to Assart!”

“Look here, woman, you can’t simply go around accusing people you don’t know of stealing your coach.” He could feel the heat rising to his ears.

“Don’t woman me. I recognise your shoddy face and dusty clothes. Stupid country men!”

He caught her hand mid-punch, making her wince.

“I’ll woman you if I want to!” he growled. “The man from off the coach just walked into this here building. Now why don’t you go in and yell at him, then? Now leave me alone. I’m waiting for my cousin.”

Read part two.
Read part three.


  1. She's a feisty one :-)) Can't wait to see what the cousin's like!

  2. OOOOh! What a vision I have of the angry woman riding in on a speedy steed! Can't wait for more!

  3. Nice - Ilike the gal she is hot- just right for the west!!!

  4. good tension. full-bodied characters.

  5. Hahaha! The wild west, why didn't I think of that? Very intriguing so far. Good job!

  6. With a Black and Gold coach I'm not quite sure if it is Wild West. Seems more late medieval to me.

    Would be funny if it turns out to be Wild West

  7. Very interesting :) I loved the woman, so strong and real! The scene was so clear to me in terms of what was presented and the element of uncertainty was also perceivable. Good one!

  8. Great scene, and nice set up for the next post. I'm looking forward to reading more! :D

  9. Hehehe interesting situation. Can't wait to see what happens next. :-)

  10. I thought she was going to outright punch him in the face. Who is this woman?!

    Also, "Don't woman me." and "I'll woman you if I want to." still have me giggling.

  11. Love the back and forth, Anna...nice entry!!

    Blogfest Twitter hashtag: #REN3

  12. Good mistaken identity to set off the conflict. Curious which one we'll be following next week!

  13. "Don't woman me." ... I like that :)
    "I'll woman you if I want to!" ... is even better *g*

  14. Poor guy! Cant wait to see how this plays out. :)

  15. I like him. There is great energy between them already! And that other scummy guy...well, I hope she does give him some of her "woman" ...:)

  16. I could see her flying in on that horse! Very vivid. Loved it.

  17. Cool! You're doing this one too? Wicked awesomeness!

    And I love your argument! Such a heated row. Worked great. Looking forward to next week's entry! :)

  18. Heh, great conflict! "Mr. Fuzzy Face!" Looking forward to reading more.

  19. I enjoy the writing in of the old western accent. It makes it fun. I'm thinking that this woman is the cousin...he just doesn't know it yet. Imagine when she finds out! What a hoot! (At least that's my guess...) ~ Nadja

  20. Mystery, mistaken identity, and a feisty gal--what a great start! I can't wait to read more.

  21. Oh, great entry! I can't wait to find out what happens to them. :)

  22. I like that, "Don't woman me" line.
    Great dusty scene. Dialogue wraps the reader in the action. Nice job. Mr. Fuzzy Face! Didn't take her on for that nickname... interesting, indeed. Fun.

  23. I like your characterisation - roll on next week :0)

  24. I liked "Mr. Fuzzy Face" too! Thanks for sharing in the Renaissance fun.

  25. HI Natz,

    It's nice to meet you.

    You set this scene up oh so smoothly and introduced the characters equally as well.

    The ease of your words works well with Randall's easy going manner. The voice is terrific.

    The build up of the tension is subtle but gives a punch.

  26. Love the buildup! Can't wait to see more between him and this woman.

  27. Wow, okay! I like this one! I will be back for the next part. Thank you.

  28. I love how he questions the Coach Thief and the guy is all ambigious about answering him.

    At first I thought he was the law.

  29. Hello... thanks all for your lovely comments. Sorry I was not able to reply earlier/individually as I was kind of tied up with work.

    @Gerhi - you caught me out! Sorry, Randall came to me Western-ish and I admit I'm not much of a reader/watcher of Westerns so... I'm trying to build a workaround in that. (Hope it works)

    @Nadja - you'll find out in the next part (now up). That WAS my initial thought though :D

    @Stu - Updated the post with wordcount and time period.