#AtoZchallenge: ZZZ (Sleep, don't weep)

How many songs are there that starts with "Z"? There was a Hillsong album called Zion, but I didn't really listen to it and I wasn't actually attracted to it.

Anyway, I like this song.
Haha.

That's all.

Thank you for sticking with me until the end!

#AtoZchallenge: You Make Me Brave

There seems to be two titles of this song - half the lists put it as "You make me brave", the others title it "Make me brave."
But since this says "Official Live Music Video," I guess this should be the right title. :P

This is kind of like a follow on to Oceans, for me at least. I guess the basis of it is really the story of Peter getting out of the boat and walking on water to meet Jesus.

You make me brave
You make me brave
You called me out beyond the shore into the waves
You make me brave
You make me brave
No fear can hinder now the love that made a way
You make me brave
You make me brave
You called me out beyond the shore into the waves
You make me brave
You make me brave
No fear can hinder now the promises you made

---

On an aside, spiritual metaphors aside, I really am afraid of drowning. I don't know how to swim and I have a fear of putting my head under the water, even if I know my feet are touching the ground. And I really, really, really, really hate getting water up my nose.

So all these watery/oceanic songs are really... something else.

---

I was going to end there, but I guess I needed to write more about this.
I guess fear is a thing that I struggle with a lot. To which Daniel pointed out 2 Timothy 1:7 - For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. Which I agree with, but is sometimes easier said and remembered than walked out and practiced.

The first I recall praying for this - "to be brave" (or something like that) - was, I think, at Encounter weekend (sometime maybe in 2004? 2005?). It's not that I'm afraid of everything, or I'm nervous or shy or timid. It's not that kind of fear.

It's this feeling of being too small, of being too insignificant, of being forgotten and passed by, of being too wrong for all the things that I want to do. This feeling of being overwhelmed at the enormity of what God has intended for me. The huge question of "but how?" that paralyzes me every time I say "yes" to God.

I make plans. I write things. I prepare. But half the battle is in getting it out there, in telling people that look - we're going to do this, okay because it's so much easier to be lazy and to wallow around in a dozen books. And when I finally do them, I'm overwhelmed by all the things that need to be done and go I'm never going to do this again. But I do. And half the battle is believing I'm good enough.

Which is why this song resonates so much with me. The cry that says You make me brave because I'm not brave enough to do this on my own. I'm not brave enough to write this on  my own. I'm not brave enough to dream this on my own.

Because I'm overwhelmed way too easily.

But You're not.

And no fear can hinder now the promises you made.

---

And because this song, and this story apparently needs more add-ons (as if it weren't long enough), I have a big scary decision looming in the future.
Well, I think I have decided but that doesn't make it any less scary.
And I don't want to decide wrong, though I don't think it will come to that.

It's just that I don't know where it's going to take me and that addresses one of the biggest fears and challenges in my life: uncertainty.
Pray for me. Pray with me.

#AtoZchallenge: (I e)Xalt Thee

This is where I really had to get a little "creative".
X is a really difficult letter to start with.

Old gold.
Made new.

#AtoZchallenge: We Win!

I decided to go for something whimsical for W. Also because I love David Crowder Band's A Collision album.

The other song I was thinking of has already been posted here.

#AtoZchallenge: Voice of Truth

V's also not a very common starting for songs, at least that I can remember.
So this isn't exactly a worship song, but CCM.

#AtoZchallenge: Undone

I couldn't find anything that I really liked starting with "U".
But I really love the meaning of this song. And anyway, Lifehouse is kind of... CCM-ish?

Undone

I can see it your eyes you're hurting
But pain is part of learning who you are
All these truths can sometimes be deceiving
When your whole world comes crashing to the ground

Tell me everything you need now anything at all
And I will be the one who's waiting anytime you fall

Yeah, When you come undone
When you come undone

You know I can't be like everybody
Cause I can't tell you what you want to hear
I don't know if I can make it better
All I know is I will be around

Tell me everything you need now anything at all
And I will be the one who's waiting anytime you fall

Yeah, When you come undone
When you come undone

When all your plans are made out lying on the floor
And all your dreams are turning into nothing more
When all your hope has left you know you're not alone
Just hold on
Hold on

Tell me everything you need now anything at all
And I will be the one who's waiting anytime you fall

Yeah, When you come undone
When you come undone

#AtoZchallenge: This Is What You Do

Because this song just replays itself in your head over and over and over and over and over and over...
and never ends.

HAHA!

Also, an Ignite-inspired song.

#AtoZChallenge: Spirit break out

I was going to go with Set a Fire, but then I saw this in the up next/autoplay list.

Esther sang this song a lot when I first attended Ignite. I feel like I should be saying something about it, but I don't know what. Except that every time we sang it, it was like a roar going forth from our hearts to God, inviting Him into our lives, our churches, our cities.

Chorus
Spirit break out
Break our walls down
Spirit break out
Heaven come down
(REPEAT)

Verse 1
Our Father all of heaven roars Your name
Sing louder let this place erupt with praise
Can you hear it the sound of heaven touching earth
The sound of heaven touching earth
(REPEAT)

Verse 2
King Jesus You're the name we're lifting high
Your glory shaking up the earth and skies
Revival we want to see Your kingdom here
We want to see Your kingdom here

#AtoZchallenge: Revelation Song

The main difficulty with this song was deciding which version (singer/band) to use.
Settled on Jesus Culture mainly because I currently prefer the lower, throatier sound than Kari's sharper notes.

#AtoZchallenge: Que Sera, Sera

Okay. Definitely not a worship song, and definitely a controversial one to put up. (Also, I really don't know any worship songs that start with 'Q')

Let me explain.

Whilst "whatever will be will be" sounds very fatalistic, it is true that the future is not ours to see. The future, and the plan for our lives, belongs to God.

Proverbs 3:5-6 says "Trust in the Lord your God with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him and He will guide your path."
Similarly, Matthew 6:25-34, tells you not to worry about the future, and ends the whole section saying "Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

There are times where God may give you a word or a prophecy for the future. God does give us guidance and wisdom for our lives. But rarely will He ever give you a whole picture that says this is what your future will look like specifically.

I think that's a pretty valid point.

#AtoZchallenge: Pursuit

Another no-brainer. The bridge of this song has been my ringtone for the past 2 - 3 years.

#AtoZchallenge: Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)

I didn't have to think very much to come up with this one.
There's a deep sense of call about Oceans, one that spoke to me at a time when I felt that it was time to move on. I love the fact that it gives you a sense that even when things seem unsure and uncertain, there are some things in life that you can be sure of.

Because He's never failed, and He won't start now. 

Also, since it's Friday, an associated flash here.

#AtoZchallenge: Nocturne for a thief

This is a song which is slightly off the beaten path. I'm sure you can tell by the title.
But it's deep. (Turn on captions for the lyrics).

There were several other songs, like New Season and Nothing but the Blood. But Nocturne gets me every time it appears on my playlist.

#AtoZchallenge: Mengejar Hadirmu

And here's another Indonesian song. This is off Sidney Mohede's 2012 album, but I've been singing this song since college days, I think. So it goes way, way back.
[Funny, I thought I posted about this song before, but I can't seem to find it. Which means I have to re-translate it. Meh]

Dekat pada-mu itu rinduku | I long to be near to you
Setiap kataku kau pun menunggu | You are waiting for each word I pray
Tak ku sangka kutemukan | I never thought I'd find
Satu kasih yang abadi | An everlasting love
Kini ku datang dan kubawa hidupku | Now I come and offer my life 

Reff | Chorus:
Memandang wajah-mu | Gazing on Your face
Mengikuti kebaikan-mu | Following Your goodness
Mengejar hadir-mu | Pursuing Your presence
Dalam hidupku | In my life
Membawa sembahku | Bringing my worship
Menyatakan kebesaran-mu | Declaring Your greatness
Mengejar hadir-mu | Pursuing Your presence
Dalam hidupku | In my life

#AtoZchallenge: Like an avalanche

I almost missed this one because I thought it was called "Avalanche" and then I checked the actual title and was like "oh, it starts with an L!"

Take my life
Take all that I am
With all that I am I will love You
Take my heart
Take all that I have
Jesus how I adore You

And I find myself here on my knees again
Caught up in grace like an avalanche
Nothing compares to this love, love, love

Let Me Feel You Shine was the original one I was thinking of. Then again, I already have a post about that here.

#AtoZchallenge: (The Bridegroom) King

There were other choices for this, which actually starts with a "K", but this appeared on my setlist, and my heart went yes.
[Okay, I'm not seeing the player thing in preview, but I'm assuming it will appear. If it doesn't, click here to play.]

Josh is a childhood friend of mine. We grew up together. Like literally from babies. We still technically live 5 minutes from each other and are always saying we should meet up, but we haven't for a long time.

His new album is coming out this year! [Wait, I said that last year, but this year, he confirmed it's this year!] Here's his interview from when the last album was released.

Where you can find Josh online:
facebook | website | twitter | reverbnation | bandcamp

Do you like your church?

"Why do you like the church you are at now?" he asked.

I don't know.

See, I can't decide if I like the church. There are things about it I am passionate about and at the same time, things about it that frustrate me. There are parts of it that I love and I love nurturing and watching grow, and there are parts of it that I hate and a stabby part of me wants to stab until it drops away and dies. Or bleeds to death.

Church is difficult. I believe in Church. But I don't. There's a post somewhere on that, I think. Probably. It's something I seem to remember ranting over a while ago.

Paul asks us not to forsake the gathering of the saints, so I don't. Until the days that I really need to for sanity's sake.

Church isn't easy. It's messy. Like life. Like all of us. And putting all our messes into one building once a week (or more) is like pulling a tiger's tail and standing there, expecting it not to maul you. I think. I've never pulled a tiger's tail. But I've been in church long enough and hung around churched Christians long enough to see the damage that sometimes ensues. I've seen enough of church splits and church rifts and people leaving en masse, sometimes not to another church (which is not so bad) but to faithlessness. And yet Jesus says that this is how all men will know that we are His disciples - that we love one another. And loving one another means hanging around each other. Usually in the church.

Tall order.
I don't know how to love people. Sometimes being with myself is already more than I can bear.

I live in the tension of a strange dichotomy; of being a conservative charismatic, the most uncharismatic of all charismatics, where the reactionary/conservative part of me makes me cautious in the face of super spiritualism and chasing after the gifts whilst the charismatic part of me seeks a deeper experience of worship and a deeper sense of God's presence.
(As he succinctly puts it: I have seen the gifts used constructively, to build people up, the way they are intended to so I feel positively about them. You have seen them use carelessly and causing harm
so you are skeptical.)
So I remain within this pentecostal church that seems to have lost its roots and power, where bureaucracy seems to have overwhelmed its heart, praying for breakthrough in the worship life of the church, even as I yearn for breakthrough in mine. And in the same breath that I cry "more Lord, release Your spirit over us," I keep my eyes open, afraid to be blindsided by another broad generalisation that "if this doesn't happen for you, you don't have enough faith."

Which shatters me because I do, and yet I don't.

But back to the point about the church. I moved here almost 7 years ago now, and it seems like a very long time. I'd forgotten when I moved so I went back over my blog archives from 2007 - 2008, which I figured was the likely timeframe. I hadn't realised until I reread those posts how unsettled I felt back in the old church. How lost and miserable and uncertain I was. How freeing it was to start anew.

It's not as if I don't still have some of the same issues and hangups with the church now that I did with the previous one. I am, after all, still myself; having grown somewhat, but still imperfect. And yet despite my frustrations, I don't have that same kind of unsettled feeling, of overwhelming anger and bitterness.

I don't know if I like it. But it feels like home. 

#AtoZchallenge: Jesus At The Centre

/soak/

#AtoZchallenge: I call You Jesus

Israel again. Heh.

Also.
Declarative.

And the line that gets me every single time:

You are the glory, lifter of our head

I think you guys should know what types of music I like by now.

#AtoZchallenge: He Lives

Also because Easter and also because Israel Houghton.


Verse 1:
More than a baby in a manger
To whom nobles would humbly bow their knee
Or the young Man who heaven knew as Savior
He is alive in me

More than the Man who walked on water,
Or the One who caused blinded eyes to see
Greater than all the signs and wonders
He is alive in me

Chorus:
He lives, He lives
He conquered the grave,
Covered our sin
He lives, He lives
Death could not hold
The promise within
He lives

Verse 2:
More than the Man who heard hosanna
From the same cried, "crucify the King"
Freely He gave as they demanded
Still He's alive in me

More than the man mankind rejected
With nails in His hands and through His feet
But the end told much more than they expected
For everyone knows in three days He rose
With power forever to redeem you and me

Bridge:
He's alive!
Death where is your sting?
He's alive!
Grave your victory?
He's alive!
Jesus holds the keys, He reigns
He reigns forever and ever

#AtoZchallenge: God of this city

I had trouble with G. There were so many great songs starting with G. I was thinking of Glorify Your Name by Lakewood or Glorious by Martha Munizi, then decided on God Of This City.

Most people listen to the Chris Tomlin version, but I usually prefer the original version by Bluetree, mainly because of the extra verse and chorus they sing that Chris doesn't (usually) cover, I think. Also credits to the original creators, yes?

You're God of this city, You're the King of these people
You're the Lord of this nation, You are
You're the light in this darkness, You're the hope to the hopeless
You're the peace to the restless, You are

For there is no one like our God
There is no one like You God

Greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done in this city
Greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done here

You're the Lord of creation, the creator of all things
You're the King above all kings, You are
You're the strength in the weakness, You are love to the broken
You're the joy in the sadness, You are

For there is no one like our God
There is no one like You God

Greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done in this city
Where glory shines from hearts alive
With praise for You and love for You in this city
Greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done in this city
Greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done here

Also, THAT PIANO.

---

Also, because he mentioned it yesterday (or was it Monday?) I woke up with this in my head.

#AtoZchallenge: Forever

Mainly because of Easter.
Also, I like Kari Jobe. Or used to. A lot.

Also, this is one of those songs that make you want to stand up and declare, like a light bursting forth.

#AtoZchallenge: Ever Be

I learnt this one at Ignite.

It's just one of those songs whose verse lyrics catch you by surprise, and then the chorus just sinks into your head and loops there endlessly.

You Father the orphan
Your kindness makes us whole
You shoulder our weakness
And Your strength becomes our own
You’re making me like you
Clothing me in white
Bringing beauty from ashes
For You will have Your bride 

#AtoZchallenge: Dan KasihMu

And to follow up with ridiculously hard to find songs, GMB doesn't seem to have their song "Dan KasihMu" on youtube and the best I could find is this cover.
Which isn't all too bad, except that the beginning of the song seems to be cut off.

[updated 1/1/22 with official song from GMB]

Anyway, lyrics with (my extremely crappy) translations here:

Besar kasih setia-Mu | How great is Your mercy
Agung, dahsyat karya-Mu | How great (exalted?) and powerful are Your works
Takkan pernah kulupakan | I will never forget
Bah'wa hidupku dicipta untukMu | That my life was created for You

Chorus:
Dan kasih-Mu melekat di batinku | And your love clings to my inmost being
Damai di jiwaku | Peace in my heart
Dan kuhidup hanya 'tuk menyembah-Mu | And I live only to worship You
Allah yang hidup | The living God

Kudus, Suci nama-Mu | How holy and pure is Your name
Mulia dan dalam kasih-Mu | How noble and deep is Your love
Takkan pernah kulupakan | I will never forget
Bah'wa hidupku dicipta untukMu | That my life was created for You

---

P/s He starts the song with the chorus.
PP/S I always assumed "kasih setia" is "faithful love". Apparently it actually means mercy!
PPP/S Okay. I should allow for some dialect differences between Indonesian (which this song is written in) and Malay (that we learn in Malaysia). And the fact that I'm not very fluent. And also, Malaysia has no theological lexicon in Malay because it's somewhat banned here, so they rely on Indonesian theologians/translations.

#AtoZchallenge: Curtains

It was ridiculously hard to find the lyrics to this song, because Harvest Bashta (now Harvest Grace Parker) is ridiculously low key on the internet.

BUT YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO HER SONGS. You can find her at The Drop or on NoiseTrade.

He sets the cross as the standard
And says we should live; only die first
Dead men rely on someone who can bring them back to life

Oh, what's to come of it
Oh, I don't even know if I want to be part of it
There's this man that I see dimly
But it's enough to give Him everything
It's enough to give Him everything

---

It's Good Friday.
Uh. Happy Good Friday.
We wait in anticipation for Resurrection Sunday.

#AtoZchallenge: Blessed Assurance

I wasn't sure if I would be able to find a rendition of this online, since it's a really old hymn, but it seems that, as with all things old, it has been made new and given a tag.

The main memory I have of this song was typing it out on my dad's old typewriter in both black and red fonts. I don't remember why - probably because we were playing cell group - but it has been a song that has been with me for a very, very long time.
Just for reference, since it was on the typewriter, that would have been before we moved to Sibu, i.e. before 1990. LIKE A GAZILLION YEARS AGO!

#AtoZchallenge: Agnus Dei

This is an old one by Michael W. Smith.
But it's timeless.

And it annoys me that they always sing it wrong in church :(