And so am I writing this for you or am I writing this for me? Is it for me to give up my petty little pride war with myself or am I to pursue empty dreams of pure motives?
Pretty words, surely. I know I'm good at pretty little words, designed to stir up emotions. But are they the right words?
It feels like going out on a limb, saying the stuff I'm intending to say. I don't know if it will ring true, if it will address the right issues at the right moment. But it feels strangely like speaking to myself. It feels like reminding myself that my song is my sacrifice. That that is an area that I will truly have to lay down my pride every single day. And it will cost.
It will cost me the idea of freedom and anonymity. It will cost me the right to live and dress any way that I want to. It will drive from my head every single niggling thought that my voice is my own, that my talent is my own to use as I will. It will crush every diva thought that I am better than you just because of what I can do.
Most of all, it requires that I give up this stupid idea that I cannot serve God because my motives are not as pure as I wish them to be, because this is what it means to give up your all. To make your most precious gift, most beloved part of yourself, to make it His.
Don't show off. Show up.