Shadows

Walau sekalipun ku berjalan

She's standing 

between light and dark 

life and death 

truth and lies--

Yet she's pushing forward, 

striving, always striving, 

remembering that 

the enemy's gate is down 

Dalam lembah yang kelam

It's harder than it seems 

wavering between 

progress and regress 

entrance and egress

and sometimes--most times--

both look the same. 

It's inertia

paralysis

a stuttering

a stopping

a void

Ku tak takut kar’na Kau besertaku

But depression is depression even if you're functional 

because you're high functioning until you're not

Yea, though I walk

And when you break 

breakdown

into tiny pieces

your head says you must move

but your body says you can't

and your spirit says you should

you have the power of the Holy Spirit

but your flesh is stronger

so much stronger 

than your will

so you stray

Through the valley of the shadow of death

You are a dichotomy of the
heart that knows it's wandering
and the mind that holds on to Truth;
the soul that's lost and hurting
and the spirit--
     the spirit is at war with itself

I will fear no evil

And the enemy's gate is down
So you will crush them under your feet
once you find where your feet are
and how gravity works
and where the rock on which you stand stands
but only if you will let go
let go of all that binds you
in passion and in want
in desire and in lust
for the things you do not have
cannot have
maybe will never have
because that is how it is
and maybe you will find once you stop looking--
    although you know that that is not true

For Thou art with me

Between light and dark
life and death
She stands
Neither choosing one nor the other
Because all she sees is a shimmering grey
Nebulous
Formless
And sometimes it is enough
Just to trust.

Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me

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