"Do you ever feel like you've gone too far to turn back?"
"Turn back from?"
"The things that you've decided to do," he turns his head to look at me.
"That would depend what those things were." I feel a churning in my heart, that familiar grip of fear.
"It's like I feel that we were made for something more than this. And yet every time I want to go, I decide that I will move on, something holds me back. But I push on a step at a time, until suddenly I feel like I'm walking on water and I'm going to drown."
He pauses, licking his lips, turning away to stare at the TV again. I reach my hand toward him, almost taking his hand, but settling instead on his shoulder. I don't quite know what to do or what to say. I don't know if I should tell him that I feel the same way too.
"I don't know where to go, and yet I know I can't stay. It's the most frustrating feeling in the world. And yet - there's that yet again - there's a knowing. That something is right. Something is shifting. I just can't tell what."
He takes my hand in both of his, sitting up and facing me.
"Will you go with me," he asks, "even though I don't know where I'm going?"
His puppy dog eyes melt my heart and I swallow. "I will anchor you, if you will anchor me," I say.
"But what if I drown?"
"Why would you? You're anchored to the Rock."
He nods slowly.
"So we will be Abraham and Sarah," I say as he turns away again, "stepping out into the great unknown."
"And together we will be Peter, and Ruth, going always to where His voice calls."
"I am afraid, Joshua," I say in a small voice, quieter than the purr of the advertisements.
"So am I, Esther," he whispers back. "But together - us and God, we'll go places."
I cannot help the tears that fall, or that fist in my chest. But deep in my belly, there is peace.
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior