Sunday 13 December 2015

On attempting to live The Dream

TL;DR version:

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Full, convoluted, Anna-style version:

A little over three months ago I gave up my day job to live The Dream.
But really, it has been nine months since the day my heart shifted. (This is why I have a blog; because I forget too easily the things I should remember.) I have been wanting to write this post for ages now, but I have never gotten round to it until now. Is there a significance to the timing? I don't know. Maybe.

It's not as if this dream hasn't been there for a long time. It's just that it has never actually been very focused, and whilst there is somewhat a little bit more of a focus now, it still seems like a very hazy reality.


But what is The Dream?

It's difficult to describe. The Dream consists of many parts. Of books and words, of dance and song, of theatre and the stage. It has spanned many years. Constantly evolving, yet somehow somewhat the same. It has been birthing for the past 9 years, from when I first made that choice to return and build. It has been discarded and reinstated. It has been given up on and pursued.
It's like I know what I want but I don't know how to get there. I don't know 100% how to yet.

But in its original version, at the core of it, it stays unchanged:
You will see songs of worship raised in fragrance to heaven.
You will see dances of praise choreographed for His glory.
You will see life-changing dramas written and acted that will speak truth to the nations.
You will see your words and books that will impact a generation through story.
At the midst of it, audacious prayers have been prayed, mountains have been asked for.

But what does it LOOK like?

Which is difficult, difficult to explain. Because I don't know. At its very basic, it looks like this:
Write. Because that’s what I called you to do. And from your words will flow My rivers of living waters. And My seed will be planted in each heart because of each word that you write, because of each word you speak.
Speak. You are not my silent one. You are my Spoken one. I have spoken for you. I have spoken to you. I will speak through you. I have given you a Voice. So Speak. Not hide.
Sing. Because those are My songs in your heart. And My anointing does not run out. You will sing what I tell you to sing, you will declare what I say to you to declare, and My Word will go forth in the congregation.

The past 3 months have been decidedly weird. As Daral has mentioned a few times, I have been surprisingly busy, despite my worry that I would devolve into a lump of blubber. As KK and Mookie have also mentioned, I've been busier than when I was actually working a 9-6. I'm not entirely sure that this busyness has been fruitful, or if it will bear fruit eventually, but it is what it is, and if for nothing else, I have also discovered things that I will absolutely not do ever again.

Anyway, here's a summary of what I've been doing:

  • Volunteered for FreedomFilmFest Penang (which I will continue to be involved in for the foreseeable future)
  • Helped work on a proposal and pitch for the Kaki Lima International Film Fest (which is a no-go, unfortunately)
  • Released my short story - When Winds Blow Cold. This is currently for sale on Amazon and Smashwords at $0.99, but is also free on Noisetrade until the end of the year, primarily so that I can add people to my mailing list. Hee. 
  • Continued working on edits to my still-untitled Fairy Tale. I think I should be done by January. Finally. Hopefully to be released in April! :D
  • Uh. Blogged. And reviewed books. 
  • Volunteered at an Arts-Ed Youth Arts Camp where we taught teenagers about timelapse photography. I also discovered (or re-discovered) that I am very bad at facilitating, and I really do not like talking to random people. And no, I am still not a kid person, though these teens are decidedly better than... others. 
  • Did a couple of proofreading/editing jobs. (Hire me!)
  • Kicked off Christmas practices, which are stressing me out. (I will never ever ever ever direct ever again)
  • Finished writing a script for Easter next year (Yes, I will act. No, I will not direct)
  • Failed miserably at Nanowrimo due to Easter script and youth arts camp.
  • Helped out at LUMA, mainly by sitting there during exhibitions when Choon Ean has to head off and do stuff; also by pretending to know how to help set up stuff for the BIG FISH, little fish exhibition.
  • Submitted to another Fixi Novo anthology (keeps fingers crossed, though I know that doesn't work)
  • Did book signings and readings with MyWriters!
  • Went to Hatyai with the YAs and bought stuff. And ate stuff. 
  • We had write-ins.


Things that are coming up for 2016:

  • Semicolon, an Easter play in March 
  • Release of the Fairy Tale in April 
  • Project Dance Penang in Sept 
  • MyWriters Festival & Workshops in Oct 

So in writing it down, it does look like I did a lot, though as I also said, I don't know if these are going to be the core of what I will continue to be doing. 

I think there is going to have to be a lot more streamlining going on, especially in terms of what I want to achieve, and where my core ministry lies, because at times I feel as if I am doing everything because I can, not because I should be. 

And that is really much too distracting and overwhelming. 

I wanted to write down a vision, but I suppose that will come in another post. Mostly because that is the one thing I am still grappling with. I hoped it would come clearer as I wrote, but not yet. Not yet. 

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