#fridayflash: Derailed, Episode 2

Episode 1

They sell you a dream, telling you that you can have it all, now. Your child, your career, your jet-setting lifestyle, with perks. Everything you wanted in life is at your fingertips. All you have to do is pay a one-time membership fee, get your materials and start selling dreams. Forget about your dead-weight husband (pause); I'm sorry for your loss. 

I bought into it, alone as I was with Sean. What else could I do? I couldn't find a desk job with a babe suckling at my breast. Maybe I could have, but it would have been awkward. Besides, I was about two semesters away from a degree that I didn't think I would finish in the next three or four years, unless I was time-barred and then - I didn't want to think about it.

It worked fine for a while. I made some money; not much, but enough to get by. Enough even, to put a little in the bank. But then one day, I wake up and I can't find the energy to meet one more prospect, close one more deal, smile.  And I stared up at the ceiling with this one thought in mind - this isn't even my dream.

And that's the difficult part, you know? Selling something you've stopped believing in. I'm not even sure I ever believed in it, really. It was just something to get me by. But getting by isn't enough in the long term. To really run with something you needed that spark, that passion, that vibe.

Derailed snippet, a sort-of #fridayflash

Sometimes the choices you make in life derail you. And no matter what you do, there's no way to get back on track again. 

Tim was that choice. It wasn't that he was bad. No, he was good, too good, and I couldn't get enough of him. My dad didn't like him of course. Which father ever likes their baby girl's first boyfriend? "Get that stinkin' b- out of my house," he'd say ever so often. So we'd go to his place, you know? So maybe it was dad's fault as much as anyone's. Who knows? 

But Sean happened. He wasn't planned. We'd been talking about getting married before that but Tim never got round to proposing and when I told him, he freaked. 

"I can't do this," he said. "I'm not ready."

"And you somehow presume I'm ready?" I retorted.

"How do I know? I'm done."

And that was it. He ran. 

And I was left carrying Sean alone. It was alright the first few months until it started showing and then I never heard the end of it. I ran. 

You can't run far with a baby in your womb, but at least it gets you far enough to where no one knows your name. I told them his father had died and they were sympathetic. 

I put Tim's name on the birth certificate - I figured if anything happened, Sean would need a protector in life, no matter how reluctant that protector would be. The nurse asked if I didn't want to name the wee babe after his dead pa to remember him and I said no. Putting his name as the father was the most I would do. Sean was mine and he would bear my name.

Episode 2

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I'm not sure where I'm going with this, but it's a start.
I need to write.
Gah.