Monday, 5 January 2015

Remembering the little things

The last post ended rather abruptly, mainly because in looking at the whole year, I slid into a funk that I haven't fully gotten out of yet.

2014 started off well. It was full of promise, it was hopeful. There was a spiritual high, and an almost prophecy, almost blessing for the future. And then somewhere along the way things happened, and things didn't happen, and when you look at it as a whole, it just felt really sad. There was the novella that didn't get published, the creative arts team that barely got off the ground, the audition that didn't work out, the poorly attended workshop, the Christmas script that just couldn't work - just all the things in my head and in my heart that I was hoping would finally work out this year but didn't quite.

And yet, when you look at the little things, there were victories, albeit small ones. I was refreshed at the Jesus Culture Conference, and at Destiny Conference. I completed my A to Z challenge and it was pretty good (as a series of shorts). I actually submitted for something! Yay me! I wrote and read a piece during GTLF14. I attended a Kutless concert live! And got them to autograph my CD! I got round to actually editing something and hired/worked with an editor, putting it together and sending it out for beta (with accompanying heart attack) and though it's not going anywhere yet (revamp of plans, maybe), it's further than I've ever gone before. I won Nanowrimo again, although I did it mainly because I was depressed and I wanted to prove to myself that I could still win at something, which I did, though I haven't gotten round to finishing the story. Oh, and I went for a writing conference and had my own little writing retreat. And I wrote stuff. Which is always a win in my book because I am so super lazy I will one day die of laziness (seriously, I think I will just one day decide not to get out of bed and die surrounded by books because I was too lazy to move or eat). I survived my first actual camping trip ever. I reached my reading goals on Goodreads (hahahahahahahaha). I bought a lot of lovely books. I finally visited USA, even if it's only one state, and for work. I got my kindle (oh gosh, has it only been a year?)! I bought boots. I don't know why I am happy about the boots, but, boots. I met LK Gardner-Griffie in person. I joined writers groups because I can. Whee.

The problem is that it's so easy to dismiss the little things in the light of all the big things that didn't work out. And it's easier to live in the valley of defeat because it's comfortable there, and it's familiar. And frankly it's too much hard work to reach any form of success and it's daunting.

Sometimes we try so hard to be significant, relevant, noticed, that we've forgotten how to just be. We don't know who we are anymore or why we're here.
And that breaks us.
In more ways than we can imagine.

So today I remember the little things. 
Because the little things matter too. 

1 comment: