Sunday, 31 May 2015


But trust is a difficult thing.
It's one thing to say "I will follow" and another to do it.

And when God says you will not lack, it is one thing to accept that at heart level, and another to stop worrying needless about how that lack of lacking will come about. It's one thing to set out your plans and to work out a budget, and to put into place the pieces that need to be placed, and it's another to keep worrying about whether it will work.

Yet it's not the lack of finances that fills my head and heart. It's the lack of the other. And as hard as it is not to feel desperate, it's hard not to feel that void. It's hard not to doubt the goodness of God even though He has been good in every other way.

It's easy to say wait.
But waiting has been long.
And waiting has been hard.
And even more, the waiting is harder when people assume you do not have because you do not want.

And you wonder why it seems so simple for other people when it's so confusing for you. When you struggle with a heart that still desires even though your reason says it won't work, and your spirit says wait and trust; so your heart, mind and soul are at odds with each other and you don't know what God is saying anymore, except


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