Saturday 3 March 2012

#Fridayflash: Emily

Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.
Fort Minor
I don’t know how he let go.

It gratifies me that he calls me mom, but sometimes, I keep seeing him as Matthew. It’s not fair for him. I know that. But I can’t help it.

I merge memories sometimes, enjoying the present with him, but remembering Matthew as a child, remembering his precociousness, his presence, and wanting to share it with him. But he is not Matthew. He will never be Matthew, and I know that.

But I don’t. I can’t. I keep holding on to the past.
I love Daniel, I do. He’s more of a son to me that Matthew ever was. He makes me proud. And I love him I do. But I can’t love him fully. I can’t love him enough because I keep remembering Matthew.

Why can’t I let go?

3 comments:

  1. wow.how disturbing. its leaves you deeply perturbed and the fact is that this probably happens mor often than we think when a mother loses one child. the one left behind pays.

    Anna are you aware you have that terrible word verification thing.

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  2. Thanks for letting me know about the word verification, Wendy.
    How do you turn off using the new blogger dashboard? There doesn't seem to be an option anywhere...

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  3. Well done Anna. Like Wendy says I'm sure many have gone through similar feelings.

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