Dancing through it | #fridayflash

Smile. First position.
Fae deepened her smile, showing her teeth. Funny how people said that. Smile, show your teeth. A threatened dog showed its teeth too. She inhaled sharply and adjusted her smile. It felt fake, plasticky. She wavered between the word smile and grin, then decided it didn’t matter. Poise was all that mattered. She pulled her back straight, lifted her chin, released her stiff hands gracefully, ever so gracefully to hover at her side and smiled.

Third position. Plie. Smile.

“You don’t dance around the pain, darling. That never helps. You acknowledge it, then you laugh at it, and then you dance through it,” Brad gripped her upper arm so tightly that she cried out in pain.
“Why are you doing this to me?” she cried.
He shrugged. “Do you want this job or not?”
“Of course I want it.”
“Then do as I say.”
“But it hurts so much.”
“If you can’t handle it, go home. Go home, Fae. Give it up.”
“I’m not giving up, Brad.”
Brad watched as she pulled herself up again, wincing at the pain in her muscles, the sting of torn skin. He nodded his grim approval as she stood ready and poised again, her wide smile drenched in salty tears.

Pirouette sur les pointes. Spot. Smile.

She massaged her aching legs surreptitiously, her eyes scanning the studio. The muscle spray was on the highest shelf, way out of reach. There were days she wished she were taller, that she didn’t still look like a child. Brad walked in and frowned at her.
“Sorry,” she mumbled, scrambling to her feet.
To her surprise, he walked over to the shelf, picking up the spray she had been eyeing. He gestured for her to sit, kneeling beside her. She wanted to cry with the relief his gentle kneading brought her.
“You don’t have to be strong alone.”
“But you said -”
“Not all dances are solos.”

Volte. Corrida apart.

“You don’t understand.”
“What is there to understand?”
“I don’t love you.”
“Give me a chance. Please.”
“It has nothing to do with that. I just… I just can’t.”
“Tell me why. Please, Fae.” He knelt before her, grasping her hands. She pulled away.
“I still love him, Brad. I’ve never stopped loving him. I can’t. I don’t know why.”
“But he’s gone.”
“And you killed him. It was your fault. Don’t bother telling me otherwise. I know.”
“It was an accident.”
“You were drunk!”
“He was worse!”
“Oh, so that’s justification for driving drunk? The least drunk person needs to drive?”
“I didn’t mean it that way.”
“I don’t care. He’s gone because of you. That’s all I know. I’m sorry.”

Allonge, facing him.

She drew herself up straight again, feeling for all the world like a puppet on a string. She thrust her chin out, roughly at first, then gently settling into a familiar pose. Her hands clenched compulsively, but she forced them open, tautly at rest. Body poised, she set her face.

Smile.

---

So I had this dance theme in my head since last week's Broadway show. I don't really know much about dance terms, so I googled, with most of the stuff coming from this site. 

To all real dancers out there, sorry if it doesn't make sense. Also, pointers would help. 

Also, this piece is exactly 500 words because I said I would write 500 words before bed. 

The Doll by JC Martin

I found this gem when I was scrolling through the books in my iBooks the other day. I had totally forgotten about it as I hadn’t had the time to read it when I first got a copy from JC Martin.

On The Island of the Dolls, hundreds of dolls have been strung up all around the island to appease the spirit of Salvadora, a young girl who had drowned in the canal many years ago. Now a tourist attraction, Joyce Parker can’t help but feel uneasy as she sets foot on the tiny islet. Trying to push aside silly superstition when one of their tour group drowns in his own swimming pool, Joyce’s worries are compounded when her own daughter Taylor, who was on the tour with her, starts developing strange mannerisms and talking to imaginary friends.

The Doll is a very frightening story, mainly because everything seems so ordinary. There are hints of dark spirits right from the beginning, but not anything that can’t be explained away - until you reach the ending. JC is a brilliant story-teller, weaving fact and fiction together seamlessly in this short story.

I can’t wait for Oracle to be out (really really soon!)

p/s The Doll is available free on Amazon (click the widgety thing below), or Smashwords.

Two more days, feet, and you can rest

It's two days to show day.

TWO DAYS.

I have Sweeney Todd and Lion King stuck in my head. Right now, Green Finch and Linnet Bird is doing a major loop loop loop in my head and it's not even like MY song. Yeesh.

And I also have a new onset of profound respect for dancers. Like really. Respect.

I don't know. Singing is easy. But singing and dancing at the same time... is a REAL stretch. For me, anyway. I can't compartmentalise my brain enough to make either really good. So, it's either slightly crappy dance steps and good singing, or pretty okay dance steps and slightly breathless singing.

MEH.

It's time for classes, this being the gazillionth time I have said this since... um... three or four years ago. Or more. 

Zombie Candy - the craziest revenge ever #bookreview

Any one fancy some zombie candy?

Source:  http://www.niftycandy.com/weirdcandy.html

With a title like Zombie Candy (Annie Ogden Mystery 2) , what can you expect?

I picked up Zombie Candy mainly because Frederick Lee Brooke is a twitter and triberr friend. I’ve read some of his shorts/flash fiction on his blog before and thought they were brilliant. So whilst Zombie Candy, with its heavy references to the zombie craze, wasn’t exactly my standard reading fare, I figured why not give it a go?

This totally zany story starts with Candace Roach, Annie Ogden’s best friend, finding an unknown woman’s bra in her husband’s luggage. Candace hires Annie, freshly armed with a Private Investigator’s licence, to find out exactly what her husband is up to. But the truth is hard to swallow, and when Candace finally realises the true extent of Larry Roach’s infidelity, she devices a way to send him a message in the only way he can understand - through his obsession with zombies.

Zombie Candy is funny and light reading. I could have possibly missed out on some of its nuances, since I didn’t get some of the zombie movie references, but it wasn’t a big deal. I may even have to watch some of these movies myself, since he made it sound so interesting. Unless I discover I’m like Candace (who hates zombies with a vengeance). 

Now maybe I should pick up Doing Max Vinyl (Annie Ogden Mystery) too…

As part of this special promotional extravaganza sponsored by Novel Publicity, the price of the Zombie Candy eBook edition is just 99 cents this week. What’s more, by purchasing this fantastic book at an incredibly low price, you can enter to win many awesome prizes. The prizes include $550 in Amazon gift cards, a Kindle Fire, and 5 autographed copies of the book. All the info you need to win one of these amazing prizes is RIGHT HERE. Remember, winning is as easy as clicking a button or leaving a blog comment--easy to enter; easy to win! To win the prizes:

1. Purchase your copy of Zombie Candy for just 99 cents
2. Enter the Rafflecopter contest on Novel Publicity
3. Visit today’s featured social media event

About the book: Weaving elements of mystery, horror and romance in a hilarious romp that starts in Chicago and ends in a quaint medieval town in sun-drenched Tuscany, Zombie Candy is a genre-hopping knee-slapper of a novel. Get it on Amazon. About the author: Frederick Lee Brooke has worked as an English teacher, language school manager and small business owner and has travelled extensively in Tuscany, the setting of part of Zombie Candy. Visit Fred on his website, Twitter, Facebook, or GoodReads.

Interview with Frederick Lee Brooke, author of Zombie Candy

Please enjoy this interview with Frederick Lee Brooke, author of the genre-bending mystery Zombie Candy. Then read on to learn how you can win huge prizes as part of this blog tour, including $550 in Amazon gift cards, a Kindle Fire, and 5 autographed copies of the book.

1. What was the inspiration behind your novel, Zombie Candy?
There was a famous golfer whose wife chased him out of the house with a golf club in the middle of the night a couple of years ago. It was funny that she attacked her husband with his own weapon of choice. I got to thinking what must be going through a woman's mind in that situation? I thought it would be interesting to explore the thought processes of a woman who discovers that her husband is a serial cheater. After the denial comes anger, but there is also a phase of grief. There's guilt. Maybe she blames herself, rightly or wrongly. Candace oscillates between wanting revenge and wanting her husband back, and as the novel winds up she makes discoveries about herself that I thought a woman in her situation would be likely to make.

2. Do you think Zombie Candy will appeal to true zombie fans?
What's a true zombie fan? I don't want to give anything away, but any active zombie fan who participates in zombie walks, goes to festivals, etc. will love Zombie Candy. That being said, this is a book that has elements of mystery, horror and romance all in one. It had quite a few early readers, fans of all different genres, and the consensus is that it really works.

3. The book contains some of Candace's favorite recipes. Why?
I confess, I love to cook, and it's such an important part of my life, it just felt natural to have Candace want to share her recipes. We are all vulnerable to being attacked through our taste buds. I like reading about cooking, and I love watching cooking shows on TV. I feel like I'm learning something and tasting it at the same time. It felt right for this to be really important for Candace. At the same time, her husband Larry is so incredibly lacking in appreciation of her talents, not just the cooking itself, but organizing complex meals and directing the preparation of them by her class of twelve people. These are amazing skills, and Larry is blind to them. I thought marriages are sometimes like that, where people get to a point where they are totally ignorant of what their partner is great at.

4. There is a no-cilantro label on the back cover of the book. What is the significance of it? Candace is a gourmet cook, and her cheating husband Larry insists on covering all his food with cilantro. This is one of those minor points of contention in a marriage that flares up and becomes important, like a trigger. I thought it was funny. And it seems a lot of people really do have strong feelings about cilantro, either for or against. When I was searching for a good graphic I came across pages on the internet like ihatecilantro.com and facebook.com/i-hate-cilantro.

  5. After starting out in Chicago, why did you decide to set the story in Tuscany?
 I've been fortunate enough to travel to Italy forty or fifty times in my life, sometimes for a two-week vacation, sometimes just for a very short trip. I absolutely love it there, from the food to the language to the beauty of the countryside and the architecture. In Zombie Candy, Candace realizes at a certain point that she has to get Larry out of his comfort zone. This is a guy who travelled all over the country every week for his work, and cheated on Candace with waitresses, flight attendants, whoever. He can adapt just about anywhere. But in Tuscany Larry discovers two things: 1) it's not so easy to find a willing waitress or flight attendant to spend the night with him; and 2) there are zombies here.

6. How would you describe the way you work as a writer?

I guess I'm a bit of a chameleon, able to adapt pretty well to circumstances around me. My wife and I have three boys and they are not quiet. I can do most revision with significant background noise and interruptions. Only when I'm writing a first draft or doing some serious planning work do I need peace and quiet. Then I'll often take a walk in the forest anyway. It helps a lot to be adaptable. If I had to put off writing every time someone asked me to cook dinner or help them with their homework, my book would never have been finished. For me, being able to jump right back in has been the key to being able to finish big projects.

7. Did you always want to be a writer?
I was an early reader and this led to curiosity about writing stories. My sister and I wrote stories during long car trips. In high school and then in college I dreamed of writing novels, but I only started writing short stories after graduating from college. That writing phase lasted about five years, and I learned a lot about writing, but life got in the way, with marriage and job and career and kids. Only when my kids were halfway grown and my career reached a certain level of success did I find a way to return to writing. Now I'm fulfilling a lifelong dream.

8. What process do you go through to define your characters?
I start with an image of them as basically good or basically evil, and put them into a context or a situation, and then just basically make sure there is plenty of conflict. My characters are never perfectly white or black. I think we're drawn to weaknesses. We want to watch them mess up, and see how they'll extricate themselves. Of course, sometimes all my planning goes out the window. It's a cliche to say that characters surprise you with their actions, but they do. They're defined by what they do and what they say. I did some acting in high school and have always loved the theater, and knowing what it means to be in character helps me be in character when I'm writing dialogue. My books are fairly dialogue-driven. What the characters say reveals what they are thinking and feeling.

9. What writing advice did you receive that was most beneficial to you?
I had to learn to love conflict. The conflict is the story. The conflict shows the true colors of your characters. I grew up in the suburbs in a family where we avoided conflict at all costs. We talked like diplomats. So embracing conflict has been something I had to learn.


10. You're an indie author. Any thoughts on the divide between independent publishing and traditional publishing?
I think the market will sort itself out, but it's going to take time. Good books will find their way into readers' hands somehow, whether in printed or electronic form. We need our stories every day. We can't live without stories. For me personally, independent publishing has been the perfect solution. I found an excellent editor who professionally edited my manuscript. I like the idea that I can control the timing of the publication of my books. If my first book, Doing Max Vinyl, had been traditionally published in April 2011 instead of the way I did it, it probably would have hit the remainder tables by Thanksgiving, and it would be out of print now. I think Zombie Candy might spark some interest in Doing Max Vinyl, so it's a benefit to readers as well as to me that it continues to be available, rather than going out of print and being forgotten. E-books are clearly here to stay, because the consumers (readers) and providers (authors) are the big winners. The only losers are the bookstores, publishing companies, agents and others who refuse to adapt.   As part of this special promotional extravaganza sponsored by Novel Publicity, the price of the Zombie Candy eBook edition is just 99 cents this week. What’s more, by purchasing this fantastic book at an incredibly low price, you can enter to win many awesome prizes. The prizes include $550 in Amazon gift cards, a Kindle Fire, and 5 autographed copies of the book. All the info you need to win one of these amazing prizes is RIGHT HERE. Remember, winning is as easy as clicking a button or leaving a blog comment--easy to enter; easy to win! To win the prizes:

1. Purchase your copy of Zombie Candy for just 99 cents
2. Enter the Rafflecopter contest on Novel Publicity
3. Visit today’s featured social media event

About the book: Weaving elements of mystery, horror and romance in a hilarious romp that starts in Chicago and ends in a quaint medieval town in sun-drenched Tuscany, Zombie Candy is a genre-hopping knee-slapper of a novel. Get it on Amazon. About the author: Frederick Lee Brooke has worked as an English teacher, language school manager and small business owner and has travelled extensively in Tuscany, the setting of part of Zombie Candy. Visit Fred on his website, Twitter, Facebook, or GoodReads.

Days two and three: YES Broadway Penang

Okay, so I've been a little lazy, and tired. :)
Friday morning I re-twisted my ankle a little during dance, which was meh, so I sat out the morning dance. Went home at lunch to dig out my ankle guard, and was okay enough to do bits of the dance in the afternoon but skipped all the jumping bits.
Saturday was mostly music, yay, and we've practically done all the Lion King songs except chow down and most of the Sweeney Todd ensemble songs.
We're starting at two today so I'm lazing around for a bit... :)

#fridayflash - Surrender

It was not going well.

Leah squinted at the two figures on the horizon. The shadows were coming quickly - Prince had told her earlier that if the light failed, they were lost. Still, the two men stood, locked in a mysterious battle she couldn’t understand. Prince’s eyes stared unseeing at his opponent, his face a stony mask. The other man, known to Leah only as the Enemy, stared back, his sinister smile sending shivers down her spine. Or had, two hours ago when she had gathered the courage to creep up near them to watch.

But there had been nothing to watch then, and nothing to watch now, except the deepening dusk. She wondered where they really were - were they fighting a physical battle on some unknown planet? Or were they somehow battling wills here in the invisible realm? Leah pulled her coat tighter around her. Was it time? They looked like statues from where she was and she was reluctant to get any closer.


“When the shadows touch this rock, you have to wake me, Leah,” Prince had told her early that morning. “Promise me this.”
“Why?”
“Promise me first.”
“Okay. I promise.”
“If the Enemy holds me until night, I will never live again.”
“But if you lose -”
“If I lose because you wake me, so be it. We live to fight another day. If I lose because of night fall, all is lost.”
“I don’t understand.”
“You don’t need to.”
“But -”
“You promised, Leah. Wake me when the shadows come.”
“How?”
“You’ll know how.”


The shadows had come and Leah didn’t have a clue. She forced herself up the hill again, picking up the pace when she realised that the shadows had completely engulfed the stone. Had she waited too long? She hoped not.
“Prince?” she called softly as she approached.
Nothing happened.
“Prince!” she tried louder.
Desperately, she tugged at his hand as the sun slipped lower and lower, calling his name over and over again.
“You lied to me, Prince! I don’t know how!” she finally yowled in desperation, tears streaming down her cheeks.

A sliver of pink remained in the sky as she surrendered to her final impulse. If this was their last night alive, let her do what she had always wanted to do from the first moment she laid eyes on his roguish face framed by little brown curls. She kissed him. And then he kissed her back.

---

Prompt "surrender" from Christine. 

--- 

Also, argh, that doesn't really fit as surrender but... oh well. 

YES Broadway Penang - the first day of workshops!

Because I am still primarily a writer/blogger, a quick update on today's Yes Broadway Academy workshops:

A number of the people from Short + Sweet Workshops were also in the programme, so I wasn't completely lost and clueless when I arrived. (Yay!) Surprise, surprise, Michelle Tan, my ex-school mate is also in the programme, along with a bunch of her friends from KL.

S/N: being in with a bunch of intensely focused, creative, dancerly people (as in actually in the industry), makes me feel... well, a little out of place. Haha.

Anyways, we started off with dance, which is a bit of a boo :( because I am not really a dancer. I mean, I try. But it's not quite there. And being surrounded by these really intense dance people (see above) makes me feel nervous.

After lunch, we got round to singing, which is a YAY! because I got a solo part, doing The Worst Pies in London.

Yeah, we're doing a Sweeney Todd medley. =D

We've also covered most of The Lion King medley, song-wise, with choreography to come (God, help me survive!)

AND we've done most of the dance for The Nicest Kids in Town (which was uber tiring, BUT I CAN DO IT!, uh, with a bit of fudging still, heh) and a little bit of Dancing Queen.

That actually sounds a lot for one day. 

Book review: How Like a God by Brenda Clough

I picked up this book only because I needed an extra book to get the 3 for RM10 deal at a warehouse sale. Needless to say, expectations weren't that high, mainly because of the extremely lame cover, though the blurb sounded rather interesting.
How Like God by Brenda W. Clough
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

In How Like a God, computer programmer Rob Lewis is happily married and loves his crazy and hectic life with his twins - until he suddenly gains the power to read and change minds. At first, he is filled with moral impulses to help fix everything that's wrong with the country. But his power soon gets out of control and when he finds himself inadvertantly influencing his eighteen-month-old toddlers to act like adults, he takes the only solution that seems open to him: he runs away.

I found myself enjoying the story despite my earlier misgivings. Rob, in the vein of all super hero journeys, has to find himself and what really defines him before he can set out to defeat his nemesis; in this case he has to discover the perpetrator behind the strange messages being dumped in his psyche, and hopefully, the source of this mysterious power that plagues him.

Overall, it was an interesting read and and interesting concept to explore.

View all my reviews

How do you carry on carrying on?

Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people.
Colossians 3:23

I don’t like this feeling. I don’t like that I know I’m not giving my 100% but on the other hand, I find that I can’t care anymore. Maybe I’ve been here just a little too long, or maybe it’s the fact that the longer you stay, the more you understand the idea that anything you hoped would change isn’t going to change. Maybe the real world is just getting a little too much for me. (Hah, what say you, O GCF leader, konon?)

I've hit the level of my mediocrity. Gone long past it, really. And the problem is that my heart isn’t in it. If my heart were still there, I’d still be pushing on, trying harder. But I’d rather be doing something else. This shouldn't be so, but it is. Or maybe it should be so because it is. Maybe all this has only been my holding pattern because I have been too afraid to move. Too afraid to decide. Too afraid of what people would say.

The fact remains that I was afraid of this. I was afraid of being sucked into a hole of waiting, and biding my time. I was afraid of becoming complacent. Because as much as I hate change, I have come to realise that I fear complacency more - no, it’s not complacency, it’s that sense of being here but not being here. It’s that sense of waiting for something else, but not knowing what it is, and not being able to know because you haven’t moved towards it yet, because you haven’t had the time to really think about it, because you are too busy here even if you don’t want to be. It’s that inability to be in the moment because your mind has gone somewhere else, like an absent-minded professor.

And it’s not good for the things I am doing now, and the things I should be doing now, because I cannot concentrate fully on one or the other and I find myself merely counting down the months. I should not stay, and yet I must, because it is not yet the set time. And yet, who set the time?

How do you work around that? How do you live as you meant to do, when it has all become a lie? How do you set that standard and say I am working for the Lord now, even though you feel that you were meant to be somewhere else?

How do you carry on carrying on when you know that all you are doing is biding your time?

Book review: Nimpentoad by Henry, Joshua & Harrison Herz - and a guest post!

I'm probably the wrong person to review a children's book, seeing the last kid's book I read that wasn't a reread of an old favorite was probably more than a decade ago. But Henry Herz was offering a complimentary copy of his book in return for some free publicity so I helped him out by tweeting his book and interview. (I'm nice that way, ha!)

Nimpentoad by Henry Herz
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Written by Henry and his two sons, Josh and Harrison, Nimpentoad is the story of a smart young Nibling and how he leads his tribe through the dangerous Grunwald Forest in search of safety. During the trip, he saves his fellow Niblings from being eaten by goblins, trolls, orcs and other scary creatures.

Nimpentoad is geared towards children aged 5 - 10 years and reads as if it was meant to be read aloud to young children, accompanied by illustrations by Sean Eddingfield and Bill Maus.

I find the Herz family highly creative and descriptive in their writing style. It’s a great primer to introduce children to the wonders of the fantasy genre, whilst being very educational about the benefits of listening (or you may just attract the Forest Goblins passing by), creative thinking (that Pedal Chariot really saved them a lot of time!), obedience and trust (Nimpentoad’s instructions didn’t always make sense right away - but they worked).

Overall, a very interesting read.

View all my reviews

And right now, a guest post from one of the authors, Henry Herz on how Nimpentoad was written:

I wanted to share my love of fantasy with my (at the time), five- and
seven-year old sons. They were too young for watching most of the
fantasy and sci-fi movie classics, and there are only so many good
fantasy books available for that age range. Struck by inspiration one
day, I came up with a way to share the joy of entering the magical
realms of fantasy. I would write a fantasy book for them.


What I did not anticipate was that my boys would give me feedback on
the story. They devised some of the character (Nimpentoad) and
creature (Neebel) names, and made plot line suggestions. And who
better to help make the story appealing to kids than other kids? So,
my goal of interesting my sons in fantasy transformed into also
encouraging them to write.


Originally, I only shared the story of Nimpentoad with family, for
their own enjoyment. I had no thoughts of having the book published.
But one day, my sister-in-law suggested that I consider publication
because she felt the story was much better than a good deal of the
books she was seeing for her similarly-aged kids. I thought about it
for a while, and decided to give it a try.


The first step was to find an artist who a) had the skill and style
suitable for our book, and b) was willing to work at a very reasonable
(translation: negligible) price. This turned out to be the most
time-consuming part of our journey.


Once again, my sons were involved, this time in providing art
direction. We would explain in words what each illustration should
contain. Collaborating remotely via email and DropBox, our artist
would give us a rough sketch, and we would provide feedback on details
and color palette. Nimpentoad came to life, while my boys added
another dimension to their experience.


Given the amount of time that had passed, as well as the anticipated
challenges with finding an agent or publisher willing to take a chance
on an unproven entity, we decided to self-publish. CreateSpace has a
fabulous web-based print-on-demand service, backed up by superb
customer service support. We were in business!


Well, sort of. We had a good book, but we lacked readers. So, we
then embarked upon the most arduous part of our journey – promoting
Nimpentoad. Luckily, my boys (dare I say it) are charismatic and
precocious, and are comfortable conducting public readings and doing
book signings.


I have booked my sons as much as their school schedules would allow.
We've done readings and signings at San Diego libraries, elementary
schools, La Jolla YMCA, the New Children's Museum, Mysterious Galaxy
Books, Readers Books, Warwick's Books, and Barnes & Noble. We have
books for sale in Mysterious Galaxy, Readers, and Barnes & Noble, as
well as online at www.nimpentoad.com.


Nimpentoad has gotten a very favorable reception. We have 35
five-star ratings on Amazon, and positive reviews from several
well-known authors. All these appearances have further enriched the
journey for my sons. They now understand some of the aspects of
running a business, like revenue, costs, and profit.


We've been doing all the promoting and sales ourselves. We would love
to be represented by a literary agent to take Nimpentoad to the next
level, broadening our reach beyond Southern California. We think the
story themes (discouraging bullying, and promoting teamwork,
creativity and perseverance), and the meta-story of two boys helping
to write and promote a book, send positive messages to elementary
school aged kids.

fireplace: the truth behind the lies

I hate reading Gert Fram. Reading Gert Fram never fails to make me cry. I love reading Gert Fram. It never fails to uplift. Such powerful, evocative words, packed into a mere nine pages. And it is nothing more than fiction. Or maybe, nothing less than fiction.

I was intending to write about the truth behind stories, until I got caught up in googling the phrase “Jesus spoke in parables”. This led me to several interesting sites as well as several kooky sounding ones.

I caught myself thinking as I browsed one site, that this person has it so right… and so wrong.
The next question was: how do I know if she is really right or wrong?
And the question really is this: how do you know that what you believe is true?

Last week at cell, we were asked to share our salvation story.
Salvation stories are intensely personal and difficult to share. Or relatively easy, depending where you stand. How astounding and miraculous your story was, or how mundanely simple. I don’t know.

Maybe it’s this disconnect I have between my emotions and my head, where I can doubt the same things I say I believe in the same span of a thought. Maybe it’s the way that nothing really seems real anymore. And yet everything is. And to be intensely in the moment is of necessity to be intensely physical, to sing louder than anyone else, to dance to the rhythm and tune, because otherwise, I am caught in the web of my head which clinically and analytically asks “and why are you feeling what you are feeling? What are you planning to do next? Where do you intend to go with this thought?” or also, “why do you not feel anything anymore?” And sometimes I believe I understand the need to cut physically, the way I sometimes need to wound my soul in order to feel something, if only pain. Because sometimes pain feels good.

And yet faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen.

And maybe I’ll tell of the truth behind the lies after all, because a well-placed story at a well-timed moment tears your heart in ways the bare-faced facts could never do. Because by stepping out of yourself in that short span of time, you open yourself to be vulnerable to the Story that loops in endless sequences, in countless revisions, in trickles of narrative, or floods of words; the one that always says in the end that man needs a hero. And sometimes the hero echoes that of God, and sometimes, it echoes the works of man, but the immutable truth remains that one man cannot ever save himself.

And maybe Jesus spoke in parables because sometimes it’s the only way to get through.

p/s go read Gert Fram.

#fridayflash - Oppression

“It’s over now,” Adam said, sinking into the sagging rattan chair.
“You really think so?” Nadia said softly.
He hesitated over his reply, but finally set his teeth in that flamboyant grin of his. “It is, kak. It has to be.”
“The people should not fear their government,” she whispered, like an escaping hiss. She knew that grin. He was trying to believe in his own words as much as he wanted her to.
He threw a troubled look at her. “Since when does my sister learn lines like that?” he asked, noticing for the first time the furrow of worry on her brow, the lines of tension around her mouth.
“You were gone for so long we thought they had taken you like they took Abah. I had to do something.”
“So you watched an outlawed, outdated movie.”
“No. I talked to Shukri.”
“You - where is Shukri?” There was urgency in his voice now, his thin fingers gripping her upper arm.
“That hurts, Adam.”
“Sorry, kak,” he said, letting go. “Where is he? Is he safe?”
She shook her head. “I don’t know. He - he comes and goes. I haven’t seen him in two weeks. I don’t know if he’s still alive.”
Adam stared as his older sister burst into tears.
“I’m so worried about him, Adam.”
He put an arm about her awkwardly. “Are you - is…” he tried to organise his thoughts. “Are you dating him?”
“What do you think?”
“No, he would never date. It would be too dangerous. But you love him all the same.”
“Why do you do this Adam? Why can’t you and Shukri leave well alone?”
“Because the government should be afraid of the people.”
Nadia shivered at the glint in his eye.

A shadow moved in the dark. Shukri turned his head slightly, watching it out of the corner of his eye. His hand slowly moved to grasp the hilt of his keris.
“It’s me, Kri,” a familiar voice said.
Shukri relaxed a little, his hand still at the ready, watching as Adam walked to him with his hands held wide. Adam stopped a few steps in front of him and turned around, allowing Shukri to pat him down quickly. Satisfied, Shukri finally grabbed Adam by the shoulders, spun him around and engulfed him in a hug.
“Sorry,” he said gruffly.
Adam shrugged. “Any news?”
“It’s bad in the South. Mass arrests after our meeting last Wednesday.”
“A mole?”
“Maybe.”
“Will be tough to clean up.”
“Fly was taken.”
“Wasn’t on the news. That’s good, isn’t it?”
“Just means they’re not done with him yet. They’ll brand him as a traitor and hold a public execution when they’ve got everything out of him.”
“Or they’ll keep him forever, like my father.”
“Yes.”
The silence between them was heavy.
“What’s this with Nadia that I hear?” Adam finally asked, trying to keep his tone light.
Shukri groaned. “I’m sorry, Adam. I didn’t want to involve her. For your sake. For your father’s.” He buried his face in his hands.
“She misses you, Kri.”
“I - I can’t get involved, Adam! Not now. Not in this place. She’ll become nothing but a weakness, a bargaining chip, to be used against me. Against you. When we’re done, when we’ve won… When our country is free again - I…”
“You could run away to Metropolita together. Now. Tomorrow. My aunt has estates there. You’ll be free and safe, and so would Nadia.”
“Would you do that, Adam? Would you run away from our cause for love?”
“Malaysia is my love, Shukri. You’ve taught me well.”
“You have your father’s heart in you. His spirit.”
“So does Nadia.”
“No, Adam, I cannot. Please don’t tempt me.”
“I am sending her away tomorrow. She will accompany my mother to Metropolita.”
“She’ll be safe there.”
“I had hoped you’d want to say goodbye.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Adam!” Nadia yelled.
“It’s for the best,” he insisted.
“And what about you? Aren’t you coming along?”
“I have work to do here.”
“So do I.”
“Please, kak. We want you to be safe.”
“We?”
“Shukri and I.”
“Oh, you’ve been talking to him, have you?”
“Yes, I…”
“Where is he?”
“Kak…”
“You tell him that his cause is my cause too. His land is my land too. And I will not be sent packing like a useless accessory.”
Adam’s fists balled. “Why won’t you listen?”
“Why won’t you?”
“What if you get arrested? What if they come for you because of him? Because of me? Because of who we are?”
“Then so be it, Adam Tash. The women of this family do not run,” Marina Tash said, her voice low and gravelly.
“But mak…”
“Why do you think you grew up here?”
The heavy woman walked slowly into the room, laying her hands on the heads of her children. “You are your father’s children. You can do no less.”

---

Kak - (short for kakak) older sister
Abah - father
Mak - mother
keris - a type of dagger

I suppose these are pretty obvious, but well, *shrug*.
---

Many thanks to Arief for his prompt, "Oppression" and Linda for her prompt "It's over now". You gotta love the twitter peeps. Christine had a prompt as well - "Surrender" - which I'll probably use next week. :)

Leaps of Faith, or Not Knowing What’s in the Next Fishbowl

Back in November 2011, I participated in the launch of Open Minds by Susan Kaye Quinn here.  Today, we're launching the sequel, Closed Hearts, with a guest post from the author herself!
Happy reading - and don't forget to sign up for the rafflecopter!

Guest Post: Leaps of Faith, or Not Knowing What’s in the Next Fishbowl

by Susan Kaye Quinn

I’m a risk taker, one of those crazy people that tries stuff that seems to terrify others. I think risk takers don’t actually experience the same level of fear as most (normal) people—plus the added adrenaline rush urges us on. I’m the girl who decided at age 10 that I wanted to go into space, and being strapped to the equivalent of a 10 megaton bomb didn’t really concern me. Because it was space—how could you not want that? Sure, it was an incredible amount of work, the chances of actually becoming an astronaut were horribly long, and you could blow up, but the risk of dying was reasonably low, and the rewards were literally out of this world.

See? Easy decision. Which was why I was shocked and a little appalled that becoming a writer terrified me.

Fear has dogged me every step of the way in this process, from the first time I sat down at the keyboard, to the first time I let someone else read my writing, to the first time I published a novel. But today I’m going to talk about the most difficult leap of faith I’ve taken in my writing journey: the decision to become a serious writer.

I had been writing like a crack-addicted monkey with a keyboard for about nine months, when I had to decide if I would pursue writing as a serious career, rather than going back to engineering (which had always been Plan A after the kids were in school). My youngest was going into Kindergarten, and I was envisioning the day when all three of my boys would be in school full time. Would I really spend those daytime hours pounding out middle grade and young adult fiction, rather than getting a real job, one that had a hope of paying me actual dollars?

This was back when traditional publishing was the only real route to success (a mere two years ago), and the only option I would consider if I was going get all serious about being a writer. I don’t tend to do things by half-measures (see the idea of going into space, above), and I knew if I took this leap, there was a real possibility of being one of those writers who never caught the golden ring of publishing: a contract with a NY publisher. The odds seemed about the same as becoming an astronaut, only without the consolation prize of being an engineer who would make meaningful contributions to society, even if I didn’t make the cut. If I went for being a published author—and didn’t make it—I could wind up being one of those unpublished aspiring writers who starts drinking scotch at 10 a.m.

I remember having an intense discussion with my husband about it. “What if I write like crazy, query a hundred agents, and I still don’t have a published novel in 5 years? It could happen. It probably will happen.” I envisioned that as five years of my life, wasted. And I didn’t like to waste things, certainly not years of my life. I have a limited supply of those. At the same time, the idea of giving up my writing was keeping me up at night.

He said, “Well, you could guarantee that you won’t have a published novel within five years by not trying.”

Damn. I hate it when he does that.

So, I took the leap. I decided to let go of the easy money and recognition of returning to the field I’d worked in for years—gotten a Ph.D. in for heaven’s sake—and jumped into a long-odds attempt at being a serious fiction writer for children. This was before I knew about the coming seismic shifts that would grip the industry and turn it upside down. Before I knew that a few months later, a small publisher would seek me out to publish my first YA novel (Life, Liberty, and Pursuit)—a love story I had never intended to publish, having written it for fun and for my niece. Before I knew that the rise of e-books would open up self-publishing as an alternate path for writers. Before I knew my self-published second YA novel (Open Minds) would have more success than I had any right to expect.

I’m not sure that knowing those things would have made the leap any easier, because the chance of failure still burns bright as a possibility, even with all the choices available to writers now (and I truly believe there’s never been a better time to be a writer). I took the leap because I wanted no regrets. I didn’t want to be an eighty-year-old grandmother, reading to my grandchildren, thinking, Maybe I could have written this.

Here’s the thing about taking the leap: it is action. And action is the best weapon against fear, making it evaporate like the mist of illusion that it usually is.

Because I leaped, I discovered that it doesn’t matter to me how my work is published, only that I have people reading it. Every day, someone tells me they enjoyed my novel, or writes a review of my work, or buys a copy—showing with their dollars and time that they’re intrigued to hear the stories I have to tell. I don’t know what the future holds, but in five years, I fully expect to have more novels published and more people reading them.

And I’ve never been happier that I took the leap.

~~*~~

Closed Hearts (Mindjack #2) $2.99 at Amazon, Barnes and Noble (ebook and print)

When you control minds, only your heart can be used against you.

Susan Kaye Quinn is the author of the bestselling YA novel Open Minds, Book One of the Mindjack Trilogy, which is available on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and iTunes. The sequel Closed Hearts has just been released. Susan's business card says "Author and Rocket Scientist," but she mostly plays on Twitter, Facebook, and Pinterest.

CLICK HERE to join the Closed Hearts Virtual Launch Party (with more bonus Mindjack Trilogy content and guest posts) and/or ENTER TO WIN PRIZES

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fireplace: a call to be faithful. Nothing more, nothing less.

On one of my blog/pinterest surfing sprees some time back, I read this story: Pushing Against the Rock. It wasn't a really new story - I think I've read or heard it in some form or incarnation before, but this time something just struck, especially this bit:

"Lord" he said, "I have labored long and hard in your service, putting all my strength to do that which you have asked. Yet, after all this time, I have not even budged that rock a half a millimeter. What is wrong? Why am I failing?"

To this the Lord responded compassionately, "My friend, when long ago I asked you to serve me and you accepted, I told you that your task was to push against the rock with all your strength, which you have done. Never once did I mention to you that I expected you to move it. Your task was to push. And now you come to me, your strength spent, thinking that you have failed. But, is that really so? Look at yourself. Your arms are strong and muscled, your back brown, your hands are callused from constant pressure, and your legs have become massive and hard. Through opposition you have grown much and your abilities now surpass that which you used to have. Yet you haven't moved the rock. BUT YOUR CALLING WAS TO BE OBEDIENT, TO PUSH AND TO EXERCISE YOUR FAITH AND TRUST IN MY WISDOM, this you have done. I, my friend, I will now move the rock."

It comes back to that whole bugbear I have with that word expectations. Because the results we expect from our work never seem to be commensurate with the effort we put in - well, in my case anyway. Because sometimes, I seem to expect the world. (Also, I confuse myself because I also assume the worst. At the same time.)

The fact remains is, results, as we see them are irrelevant. True, consistent fails may indicate that something is lacking, something is wrong. And yet, if you look at it again, what were you called to do? You were really called to be faithful, not to achieve. Achievement isn't everything. Yes, it's a useful marker. But as my mother told me a long time ago, losing makes winning worthwhile.

The problem is that we humans need some form of measurement to be proud about. We need to show the world that by doing x and x, I produced xxx amount of money, or "saved" xxx amount of people. Talking in these terms, it seems that only huge rallies produce the results that we think God will be pleased with. It doesn't work that way. Remember, he went for the one missing sheep and the one coin. He didn't say it's the 99 other sheep in the fold that count, or the other 9 coins in my hand that make it alright. It's the one that's lost. And even if it's only one, it's still worth it. 

And that is the most difficult to remember in this results-oriented world.

Look, ma, I'm on Broadway! Sort of

So after haunting my e-mail for the whole of Tuesday and then waiting on tenterhooks until Friday, I received a very exciting call in the morning. This was followed by a few excited calls and SMSes and some rather confuzzled, bemused tweets... and then this arrived in my inbox, making it even more real/unreal/surreal and all that jazz.

I am so uberly duberly excited that I tend towards incoherency.
The best way to describe my emotional state now is this:

WWWWWHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
=D=D=D=D=D=D=D=D=D=D
*squeal*

I am. Flabbergasted.
Especially since I spent most of Tuesday being a little emo at why no call why no call why no call. Haha.

#Fridayflash: Liz

“You’re not falling for him are you,” I blurted.

“What makes you think so?”

“I know that tone of voice. You’re hiding something.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Oh come on, Diane. I know when you’re faking. Besides, you’re blushing.”

“I’m not falling for that one, Liz.”

I smiled. “See, if you weren’t faking it, you wouldn’t be worried about blushing. Come on, spill!”

Diane snuggled down between the mountains of pillows we had piled on the bed. “Nothing to spill.”

I threw another pillow at her, catching her on the arm as I snuggled down beside her.

“Do you think Rob really likes me?”

She stared at me. “What kind of question is that?”

“Well if you won’t talk about Daniel, you might as well talk about Rob, right?”

“Do you like him?”

“Dunno.” I turned to face her. “He’s, well, he’s a bit of a hunk, isn’t he?”

She giggled. “Not quite my type.”

“Yeah, I know you like the quiet, dreamy types.”

“Stop it, Liz.”

“See, you admit!”

She groaned. “I hate you.”

“So what is it about him that you like? He’s not exactly our kind you know.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“He’s like, you know, different. Strange. He’s not really -”

“Rich?”

“Something like that.”

“You’re a snob, you know, Liz?”

“Comes with the territory.”

“But he is rich. Now, anyway.”

“Yeah, but - it’s just different. It’s just something you’re born with. That - style. Attitude.”

“Like us, you mean?”

“Yeah.”

She fiddled with her hair for a while before answering. She does that a lot when she’s thinking. “I think you don’t like him because he doesn’t rise to your challenges.”

“My challenges?”

“Rob does. That’s why you play off each other like flint and rock.”

“I do not.”

“See? And if I just ignore this line of questioning you’re going into, you’ll get upset with me.”

“What have I challenged him with?”

“You wanted him to defend himself because of that book he was reading. But he didn’t.”

“He’s a wimp.”

“Then you wanted to get cheat sheets off him, and he refused.”

“Matthew always shared.”

“He didn’t have cheat sheets.”

“Who?”

“Daniel. He didn’t have any.”

“But his score -”

“Was all his.”

“And you know this because?”

“I asked.”

“You know, if you date him, we’re gonna have to wriggle him into Rob’s good books.”

“Who says anything about dating?”

“Oh surely, not the room so fast.”

“Liz, you’re impossible!”

I grinned. 

Book review: The Backworlds by M. Pax

I picked up The Backworlds (launched on this blog) a week ago and finished it within the day. The only reason this review is so late in coming is because I am a lazy bum. Word. :)

The Backworlds by M. Pax
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Run out of house and town by the Verkinn council elders at the instigation of his father, twenty-year-old Craze sets off to Elstwhere in search of his fortune. Craze soon falls in with two aviarmen, Lepsi - who’s trying to trump his brother Frederoy, and Talos - determined to establish a trade route in honour of his mother, in search of a new home. Their crazy new partnership leads them to adventure, dangerous places, and lots of money, or so they hope.

M. Pax writes with stunning imagery, creating a wonderful world of different species, bio-engineered humans and space travel. Her characters are vivid and varied, emerging fully-formed in your imagination. Her writing style is breezy and easy to read.


View all my reviews

Content Rating:

T, due to minor coarse language, and minor suggestive adult themes.

To pick up this book for free, check out my book launch post here. You can also visit the author here.

Stop by - oops

Just a quick stop by, to say I'M SORRY. =(
I've been trying to get back to a normal blogging schedule, but work and life isn't letting me.
Analysing this week, I literally had no time to write, which is SUCH AN EXCUSE.
Monday - regular TV day. It's the only day I watch TV for NCIS and Criminal Minds.
Tuesday - musical practice
Wednesday - I was prepping songs for this weekend's church service
Thursday - Headstart dinner - I was planning to write after this, but crashed the minute I touched my bed.
Friday - OT. The BOSS needs stuff. :( and which I couldn't finish, and which I need to start doing NOW.

Tomorrow may or may not have a post, seeing it's Mother's Day.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

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Also, apparently, Ticket America has arizona diamondbacks tickets, houston astros tickets and oakland athletics tickets.
Because, you know, Ticketamerica.com has Arizona Diamondbacks tickets for all games including games vs. Houston astros and American League games for the Oakland Athletics games.

(these links were sponsored)

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Back to work >.<

The Backworlds is here!

The first story in the Backworlds series by M. Pax. A vision of how humanity might colonize the galaxy some day in the distant future.

The Backworlds

After the war with Earth, bioengineered humans scatter across the Backworlds. Competition is fierce and pickings are scant. Scant enough that Craze’s father decides to hoard his fortune by destroying his son. Cut off from family and friends, with little money, and even less knowledge of the worlds beyond his own, Craze heads into an uncertain future. Boarding the transport to Elstwhere, he vows to make his father regret this day.

Available from: Amazon / AmazonUK / Smashwords / Feedbooks

Other links to more outlets can be found at either Wistful Nebulae or MPax

The Backworlds is an ebook and a free read. All formats can be found at Smashwords and Feedbooks.

It’ll take a few weeks to work its way down to free on Amazon Kindle. It will also be available on B&N and iTunes. Sign up for M. Pax’s mailing list to be notified the day it does go free on Amazon, and when the book becomes available at other outlets. You’ll also receive coupons for discounts on future publications. NEWSLETTER

M. Pax’s inspiration comes from the wilds of Oregon, especially the high desert where she shares her home with two cats and a husband unit. Creative sparks also come from Pine Mountain Observatory where she spend her summers working as a star guide. She writes mostly science fiction and fantasy, but confesses to an obsession with Jane Austen. She blogs at her website, www.mpaxauthor.com and at Wistful Nebuae. You’ll find links there to connect on Twitter, Goodread, FB and other sites.

The sequel, Stopover at the Backworlds’ Edge, will be released in July 2012. It will be available in all ebook formats and paperback.

The A to Z reflections post

So I've survived my second year of A to Z (barely).

Last year I managed to write something in between a short story and a novellete (what's an average of 500 words x 24 posts called? lol) through out A to Z and this year, the vote went to flash fiction. Well, it started off at flash fiction anyway, and degenerated into vignettes as the word count dropped from an average of 500 - 600 words down to about 200 words. Hah. Let's blame late working nights for that.

Same went for my blog-hopping intentions. At the beginning of the challenge, I would visit commenters, leave comments and visit a few extra people picked randomly off the list. As April progressed, this degenerated into a short stop-by to visit those who commented. I guess I will be using part of May to still do some stop bys, assuming May isn't as crazy as April has been.

Time has always been an issue for me in blogging, so I suppose if I'm going to survive A to Z again, I will probably have to pre-write a lot of stuff (or resign from my job! haha). I actually started off prewriting about 3 posts ahead, but that got gradually cut down because there were some days I got home too late and zombified to think. And there were some posts that I just stared at for ages because I couldn't think of how to write it. Although I had a game plan of 26 words, I did change some as and when I had sudden *bursts* of inspiration.

By far my favourite posts to write were the Gyroscope/Hysterical posts (which I'm editing into a 10-minute play for Short + Sweet) and Ivy. Nymphomania grew rather organically out of Ivy, whilst Gyroscope & Hysterical were a spin off from a trend of though from Fuzzy. Funnily enough, these are the top-read posts as well (data for the month)

I guess it's back to my normal routine.

Check out this space tomorrow for M. Pax's book launch!