Winter bloom

Winter has broken, he declares.
She stares out at the naked trees. It's still chilly.
But it has broken. He's there behind her suddenly, his hands warm against the small of her back. The darkness has lifted.
She turns and looks into his eyes, searching his with her own. Has it?
He smiles, then cocks his head to the left. You've said your goodbyes. Why?
It felt right. 
It is.
But now? Or when?
In the fullness of time.
She rests her hand in his. Hesitates. And the other?
You trust me in this?
I need to. She smiles. I've always needed to, haven't I?
In time, beloved. All in its time.
Will he pursue? Is it -
He holds a finger to her lips. Trust me.

---



---

Like a flower in bloom
Pushing through the winter
To face a new spring

So the seasons come and go
And you are released
To something new again

Break the bands of fear
That enclose your heart in steel
Release your hold on fear
As at My feet you kneel
And I speak freedom over you
I speak release into your life
The long night has passed
Come; bloom with the sunrise

#bookreview: Passing Through Perfect by Bette Lee Crosby

Passing Through Perfect by Bette Lee Crosby
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

When Benjamin Church returned to Grinder's Corner, Alabama after the war, he dreamed of becoming a mechanic. But days turned into months, and months turned into years, and Benjamin finds himself stuck working on his father's farm to support his young family. The tragic death of his wife changes his life forever and Benjamin must find a way to get his only son, Isaac, out of the South with its deep-rooted racial prejudices to a place where he can build a future in spite of the colour of his skin.

I picked up this book free for review via ebooksforreview.com mainly because I have been on Bette Lee Crosby's mailing list for a while and I wanted to find out what she really writes about (can't remember when/how I got on the list anymore).

It seems that I have been reading an amount of historical fiction relating to the race relationships in America lately, starting with Touched with Fire and Fire and Dust. While those two are written about events in the middle of the war itself, Passing Through Perfect is an excellent "follow up" story of events that take place almost a hundred years after the abolishment of slavery in America. I think it says something about humans that, even though the law has been changed decades prior, the attitudes and traditions of the communities and the prejudices they hold had hardly changed at all.

Passing Through Perfect presents a little slice of life of that time and age, demonstrating how one man's prejudice can destroy a life and how another's open-mindedness and generosity can help rebuild it.

View all my reviews

New Release: The Legacy Human (Singularity #1) by Susan Kaye Quinn #YA #SF

INTRODUCTORY PRICE 99CENTS - limited time

Amazon

ebook and print

When transcending humanity is the prize, winning the Game is all that matters.

Seventeen-year-old Elijah Brighton wants to become an ascender—a post-Singularity human/machine hybrid—after all, they’re smarter, more enlightened, more compassionate, and above all, achingly beautiful. But Eli is a legacy human, preserved and cherished for his unaltered genetic code, just like the rainforest he paints. When a fugue state possesses him and creates great art, Eli miraculously lands a sponsor for the creative Olympics. If he could just master the fugue, he could take the gold and win the right to ascend, bringing everything he’s yearned for within reach… including his beautiful ascender patron. But once Eli arrives at the Games, he finds the ascenders are playing games of their own. Everything he knows about the ascenders and the legacies they keep starts to unravel… until he’s running for his life and wondering who he truly is.

The Legacy Human is the first in Susan Kaye Quinn’s new young adult science fiction series that explores the intersection of mind, body, and soul in a post-Singularity world… and how technology will challenge us to remember what it means to be human.

WHAT REVIEWERS ARE SAYING:

“If I were a movie producer, I would option this in a heartbeat.”

“This story is so intense I felt I couldn’t get a proper breath.”

“Science fiction with philosophical depth.”

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Join the Launch Party!

Win paperbacks of The Legacy Human and Mindjack Trilogy, as well as other great prizes, and chat with some AMAZING Sci-Fi author-friends (check out the line-up below!). Giveaways run ALL DAY (9a – 9p Chicago Time, GMT-6)

SCHEDULE - Chicago Time (GMT-6) on March 2nd

9a - 10a - Sue (Singularity)

1p - 2p - Jennifer Wells (Fluency)

2p - 2:30p - Endi Webb (Terran Gambit)

3p - 4p - Rysa Walker (Timebound)

5p - 5:30p - Wes Davies (Binary Cycle)

5:30 - 7p - Sue (Singularity)

7p - 8p - E.E. Giorgi (Chimeras)

8p - 9p - Jessica Keller? (Saving Yesterday)

9p  - Sue - PICKING WINNERS

Stop by ANYTIME to enter giveaways;  stop by during the guest-host hour to chat! (Join the party now!)

Too many books to review and an #atozchallenge question

I find that I am suddenly overscheduled for book reviews/tours in March.
Why is everyone launching stuff in March???
Anyway, all that means is that I guess I'll be posting reviews more than twice a week this month then, and will slow down later on.

The other question is really whether I should do A to Z this year or not. I have so many things to do. If I get round to them. So it's really a question of what I want to prioritise, but I really don't want to think about it or make a decision.

So. There's a poll somewhere on the right sidebar that you can vote on.

#bookreview: Time's Beginning by Dan Rix

Time's Beginning by Dan Rix
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Where do we go from here? How do we complete a journey that began innocently with youthful idealism and bright futures, but got so snarled along the way with demons and spacetime rips and the end of the world?

As a quick recap, this series starts with God's Loophole, where Jeremy Rockwell builds the prototype of the Bubble and gets his brother, Gabe, and his girlfriend, Rae, to help him test it. Soon, the three teenagers are in deep trouble - not just because they've gained telekinetic powers, but because they've set in motion the end of the world and the FBI are after them. Eternity’s End has Rae stuck in the Bubble, trying to figure out the maze and fighting against herself to survive, whilst Gabe is struggling to learn enough control his powers enough to save her. But the rip in the universe is rapidly growing larger, and more people are dying from a strange demon that demands Rae's life. In Heaven’s Enigma Gabe, Rae and Jeremy have been coerced to help Sabina Boyd save the world from their mistakes.

Time's Beginning, the final book in the series, begins in a hopeless place. The three teens find themselves stuck in a bubble again - but this time, they've been totally cut off from the Earth. They've been cycled down and cut adrift in the realm of possibilities with no way of getting back to Earth - worse still, the Bubble has been severely damaged. It's not just the end of the world that's plaguing them. It's the end of their very existence. To add to that, the demon that's been haunting the rip in Palo Alto has found its way to them and is now picking the six people left in the Cheyenne Mountain bubble off one by one.

It's human nature to fight to survive and to hold on to hope even in the bleakest of situations. So that's exactly what they do. Gabe is still hard at work trying to figure out how they can escape back into the real world while Rae decides to face the Minotaur head on, refusing to be intimidated into inaction. And just when they start to believe that all hope is gone, Kimberly Sims and Lanto turn up, sparking new ideas, revealing new information, and finally giving them a solution that just might save the world.

Rix does a great job weaving the scattered threads together, serving up an ending that is not only satisfying, but beautiful, sweet and tragic. There are times when you want to smack both Rae and Gabe silly (especially Rae), and there are times when you find Jeremy an annoying old stick, but through it all, you feel with them and for them.

*I received a pre-release copy of this e-book from the author in exchange for an honest review.

View all my reviews

I've reviewed the God's Loophole series here:
God's Loophole
Eternity's End
Heaven's Enigma

Other books by Dan Rix:
Triton & Entanglement


To try out Dan's books, head over to his website and subscribe to his newsletter!

#bookreview: Heaven's Enigma by Dan Rix

Heaven's Enigma by Dan Rix
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Dan Rix ups the ante in Heaven's Enigma, with a terrifying time crunch and mysterious deaths.

Both Gabe and Rae's telekinetic powers are stronger than ever - and Sabina must convince them that they're on the same side, at least until they save the world. Gabe and Rae find themselves facing the brother and boyfriend they thought was dead and buried. The FBI, under Sabina Boyd's instructions, are pulling in everything they've got to finish the countermeasure in time to plug the hole in the universe. But key people on the project are dying mysteriously - and the only clues to their murders are the smell of sulfur, three claw marks, and the words "bring her to me".

Heaven's Enigma is a gripping read, not just because the world is in serious danger now, but also because Raedyn herself not sure if she's the Rae. In the midst of the fear and the tension, Rix takes time to develop the relationship between the three teens, playing them against each other in a mix of competitiveness, childishness, and hormones.
Sabina also gets fleshed out more here, her grit and determination shining through even as she works through the problems and tries to figure out what everything means - or if there is a meaning to it. From simply being the mysterious FBI woman who's just out to get them, she transforms into a strong problem solver with one single-minded focus - to fix this mess they're in.
The addition of Kimberly Sims and her K-9 dog Lanto into this strong cast of female characters can only be a good thing. Her groundedness and simplicity forms a good contrast to the fluctuating mass of nerves that Rae is becoming the longer she is stuck in the bubble.

When you think about it, from the beginning of God's Loophole when it was Jeremy the genius and Gabriel the jock, assisted by Professor Ron Hsu with side-kick Raedyn Summers who's just along for the ride, this series is churning out some really great strong female characters.
Good going, Mr Rix.

View all my reviews

I've reviewed the God's Loophole series here:
God's Loophole
Eternity's End

Other books by Dan Rix:
Triton & Entanglement

Cover reveal: Michael - Path of Angels Book One.

So every once in a while a lovely online friend asks for a favour... and if it involves new books, I'm like sure, why not?

So Patricia is this really lovely bloggy friend I met during the A to Z Challenge, and she's launching a book in March! I have no idea what it's about... (okay, I read the blurb, so I have a brief idea what it's about) but here's the cover!

Add to your Goodreads shelf

Blurb

There is only one path.

Born mortal along with his three brothers, Michael is an Archangel with a specific role: hunt fallen angels and send them back to Hell. He is determined in his mission, never straying from his appointed path, until he meets Lake Divine, and discovers there may be more to his beliefs than blind duty.

But Lake is not who he seems. Offspring of a human and a fallen angel, a Nephilim, Lake must choose his own destiny: give in to the coldness and embrace the dark, or seek the light and rise above the sins of his father.

Two paths lay before them, but only one has the potential to destroy them both.

About the Author

Patricia Josephine never set out to become a writer. In fact, she never considered it an option during high school and college. But some stories are meant to be told and this one chose her. Patricia lives with her husband in Michigan, hopes one day to have what will resemble a small petting zoo and has a fondness for dying her hair the colors of the rainbow.

Patricia Josephine writes young adult under the name Patricia Lynne.

Follow Patricia on Twitter | Goodreads | Google+ | Website | Wattpad

Happy Valentines' Day!

Today's playlist.

It has nothing to do with Valentines'. Sorry.
I just didn't have a title for this random post.
Neither do I have a reason for this post.

Um.
okthxbai

#fridayflash: Unreciprocated

Take a girl out skating, they said. It'll be romantic. Every time she wobbles, take hold of her hands and steady her. Look her in the eyes and tell her you have faith in her abilities. She'll love you for that. And you'll have every reason to put your arm around her waist to make sure she doesn't fall. And if she does, well, you'll be there to help her up and kiss away her wounds.

Except I was the one with the horrible balance, and she was the one skating laps around me, laughing every time I fell.

---

Theme: Unromantic, courtesy of The Writer's Tower.

#bookreview: Blood Orchids by Toby Neal

Blood Orchids by Toby Neal
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Blood Orchids is the story of Lei Texeira, a young female police officer trying to make detective. Nothing much happens in Hilo, so when two teens are found murdered, the police force struggles to investigate the case. Lei begs to be put on the team, but when she's finally assigned to the case, she soon finds that the case is triggering long-buried memories of her tumultuous past. There's also a stalker leaving frightening notes on her doorstep, and the complication of falling in love with the lead detective, Michael Stevens.

The novel isn't so much a straight-forward crime-solving mystery than it is a story of coping with trauma and moving on with life - probably because Toby Neal is a mental health therapist by profession. This doesn't really detract from the crime-solving part of it; instead, it seems to add layers to the work.

One of the things that irritated me about the novel was that there seemed to be too many plot points. It felt as if there were too many things going on at once, that the reader is overwhelmed by things that are not what it seems and when you think you finally know what it is, it's not again. That really struck me somewhere towards the end of the story when they had found the murderer.... but there was like another 30 minutes reading time to go. What?!
(Add to that fact the point that the resolution for the second ending felt quite weak...)

To balance that out, one of the things I liked about Blood Orchids is the way Neal weaves in the local Hawaiian pidgin into the dialogue. In some ways it makes it feel a little more natural, interspersed as it is at strategic times. In other books, there are times when doing this makes it awkward and difficult to read, but there's nothing forced or overdone in Blood Orchids.

I've been following Toby Neal on Twitter, Instagram and her blog (via Triberr) for a while now before getting round to reading her book - and I am glad that I did.

View all my reviews

Maybe I'm just supposed to be a kele-feh. Not.

I grew up hearing this word "kelefeh" bandied about during church plays and school presentations. I knew what it meant though I always thought it was some official fancy kind of theatre term (probably French) until I tried to find out how it was spelled. Then I discovered that the actual industry term for it was "extra" - and it was used mainly in movies/film. The only reason we used it that much was due to our Chinese speaking background (it's apparently Cantonese) and our need to be inclusive, whereby anyone who's in the group needs to have a role, even if they hate acting (or can't act); they end up volunteering to kelefeh as the crowd, a tree, a rock, a log, or whatever needs to be in the scene, but doesn't have to say anything.

We were covering the book of Job during cell group one Tuesday and one of our cell members made this observation:

"How come the bible doesn't talk about Job's children? It's like they were all just kelefeh. Maybe that's what some of us are meant to be."

It was quite depressing.

But maybe that's the danger in the constant message to "just do it" and "make a change in the world". It puts on a platform those who have made it big in life, and says that if you don't reach that level of achievement (or if you don't dream to), there is something wrong with you. It puts down the simple dreams of simple people who maybe only want to find a good spouse and have children, or make the next promotion at work, or earn just a little bit extra so that they can save and not worry so much about the future.
It's saying that significance is only if thousands of people look up to you, or you become "famous".

There's this constant push for bigger, better, newer and cutting edge even in the church, which can be severely harmful to those who don't have limelight talents. It makes those who enjoy performing seem holier, because they're seen on stage, or they're promoted as being "anointed" through their singing or their music or charisma or whatever visible gift that they wield for God. Or themselves. Sometimes it's hard to tell which.

And so we are defeated even before we start because we place unnatural expectations on ourselves. And we forget that we are all the body, and we are all His children, no matter if our role is big or small, if we influence one or if we influence one thousand.

In another cell group, a thousand miles away on a Friday night (because I'm continuing this in a really disjointed matter after maybe half a year or so), some of them brought up how bad they felt that they have never personally let a person to Christ, or how little impact they seemed to have, even in inviting their friends to church. And yet the thing is, one sows and another reaps. And you don't always know where in this process you are. But as long as you are faithful, God can use you.

Because He doesn't measure success in the same way that we do. He's not looking for the tangible products or the hard numbers. He's not looking at the graphs and the figures. He's looking at your heart and how you cling to Him. He's looking to see how you respond when He speaks. He's speaking to that yearning in your heart that tells you that you can be more than you ever imagined you would be, even if all you imagine yourself to be is the best engineer in your team.

And until and unless our narrative changes, we'll always miss the point.

#bookreview: Division by Lee S. Hawke

Division: A Collection of Science Fiction Fairytales by Lee S. Hawke
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Science Fiction Fairytales. Read that again. Science Fiction Fairytales. Figured it out yet?
I haven't. But I like it.

From the first story, The Soldier, up to the final title story, Division Hawke draws you into a strange yet familiar future world of technology, pushing the limits of what we'd expect to be normal.

The Soldier tells the tale of being used as a soldier in the war against disease. Dissimilation brings you into a virtual reality within a virtual reality within - which is the real world again? Please Connect makes you ponder a world where human connection has disappeared and sex is an unnatural ritual obligated by the government.
In The Grey Wall you discover a strange world of living furniture, and wonder - what if? - even as Beauty brings you deeper into a different world where you wonder what choices you would make if you could change everything about yourself. Lemuria is a semi-horror story of an alien-like invasion and escape.
Undoubtedly, the crown jewel of this anthology is Division itself, a story of raw grief, of coping mechanisms, of pain, of division and loss.

It's a short work, one you can finish reading in maybe an hour or less. But it's one that leaves you with a satisfied feeling in your chest.

I received a gift copy of this e-book from the author in exchange for an honest review.

View all my reviews

#bookreview: The Gift of Charms by Julia Suzuki (based on a preview)

Okay. So in the strangest of all review requests I have ever received... I was asked to write a review on a 3-chapter preview of Julia Suzuki's The Gift of Charms. Review requests are usually for the whole book but... since this was what was requested, here goes:

The Gift of Charms is a story of a dragon - a dragon with strange heralds from birth. Will he be a gift or a curse? It feels like the beginnings of another coming-of-age story, as well as a prophecy/omen-fulfilling story, and maybe a little epic-type fantasy. It is, after all, a story about dragons. I don't know how epic it will be since nothing much happens in the first 3 chapters except Yoshiko's strange birth, and the opening set up of him as a typical middle-school kid (dragon) being teased for not being able to make fire.

The writing itself seems to be targeted at a younger age group than I am currently interested in reading (I do read children's books, MG and YA, with a stronger preference on YA) so whilst the preview was pretty engaging, this may not be one that I will actually get round to buying anytime in the near future seeing that my to-read list is getting exceptionally long.

In terms of rating, at the moment it would be somewhere between a 2.5 - 3 star book (out of 5). It sounds like something I'd be interested in reading at the end of a long, stressful day, when I don't actually want to think and need something quick, simple and engaging. I won't have a final rating until I actually read the complete book. If I ever do.

---

Because I'm too lazy to reproduce and format the press release, here's a screencap:

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To buy the books, visit:
http://bit.ly/BuyDragorBooks

Author website: http://www.juliasuzuki.com 

Facebook: http://facebook.com/juliasuzukiauthor 

Twitter: @JuliaSuzuki_uk

Fears and insecurities

A garden enclosed and barred is my sister, my [promised] bride–a spring shut up, a fountain sealed. (Song of Solomon 4:12 AMP)

Today I've been called two things. A spider and a clam. 

A spider because I've been resilient, always turning up where I'm not expected to be. I'm not sure about that. Resilient, yes. But I don't know about turning up in unexpected places when I don't even know if I'm in the right one. Sometimes where I am feels wrong, but at the same time it feels right. I don't know. I can't tell anymore. 

I'm drifting. I don't know where I'll end up or how. And it's awful because this is the very thing that annoys me about people. How purposeless they are. How lost and wavering they get. I suppose it's God's joke on me. "Let's see how you cope."

But I know where I want to be. I catch glimpses of it sometimes. Then I despair of ever getting there and give up. 

Because my tiny little shriveled heart tells me over and over again that I'm not good enough. And I'm too lazy to. And afraid. I'm afraid because I'm not enough and I know it and I don't want to face that truth. So I don't try. I don't want my heart to be broken any more than it already is. 

So I hide in my little clam shell and peek out to see if it's safe. Sometimes it is. But most times it's not because I'm in the middle of the ocean and I've been swept out to sea and nothing is safe and familiar anymore. 

I cope by making things safe. By going back to the familiar. By trying to cling on to the things I know. But I can't. People change. Things change. And I can't find my footing anymore. 

I thought I'd be somewhere by now but I'm still treading the waters of insecurity. Because it's familiar. The pain is a familiar pain; an old friend, an encompassing blanket that shrouds me almost addictively. I love it but I hate it; I need to feel something other than the vast swaths of emptiness, the warring in my heart that says but I don't want to be alone even when it protests in the same breath I desperately need time by myself.

But I've been swept out into the currents by my own volition, by the strange prayers I've found on my lips and I'm clinging desperately to the safety of my little shell by sheer willpower though I know I know I should let go. Because God is this ocean and His Spirit is the pulsing current and in Him I should be safe although I don't feel it and I can't grasp it and I don't know how to swim. 

So I sing a little louder to find strength, and offer this hollow shell of my heart in worship because it's all I have right now in the midst of my fears. 

May You always be the enough in my lack

May You always be the flow in my ebb

And when I'm far from shore and lost at sea

May Your heart always my safe harbour be

The Voices video is up! #GTLF2014

So remember that thing I wrote and read for the lit fest? The video is up.

#bookreview: Fire and Dust by Christopher Datta

Fire and Dust by Christopher Datta
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Fire and Dust is the second book in the Fire Trilogy.
I read the first book, Touched with Fire, and thought it a pretty good read, so I decided to take a chance on this one too.

Fire and Dust has (almost) nothing to do with Touched with Fire, other than being a story of the opposite side of the war. Christopher Datta clarifies that in his author's note, and adds that the coming book three will see many of the characters in both books meet. That would be an interesting story to read.

The book started off a little too slowly for my liking, and I had to wade through several chapters of slow-moving war scenes before I was fully engaged with the story. I have to say this for Datta though - even in the more "war" (i.e. boring to me) bits, he is a good storyteller with an engaging tone.

Again, per my review for Touched with Fire, I don't know much about American history (not being an American). What I found interesting about this book was the way Datta provides a sympathetic voice for the Confederates, especially for the many normal foot soldiers who were fighting merely for their country, rather than any great cause to preserve slavery. Most of them did not even have any stakes in the fight, other than being of the opinion that their country (or state) was their own and they shouldn't be told what to do by the Union. Okay, that's probably very simplified version of things...

At any rate, I think Fire and Dust presents balanced historical materials about a (still) sensitive issue which doesn't paint any one person in stark black or white (Except maybe General Bragg). Whilst a principle may be true, any change in the lives of people, especially when it involves established institutions and conventions of a country, will always take a long time to be accepted - even when the war has been won.

*I received a free copy of this book via Novel Publicity in return for an honest review.

View all my reviews

Read the review for Touched with Fire here.

#bookreview: Meritropolis by Joel Ohman

Meritropolis by Joel Ohman
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

In the post-apocalyptic city of Meritropolis, resources are scarce and danger lurks in the surrounding forests. It's a city where survival of the fittest is the rule of the day - and the System of Societal Merit provides the most efficient and fairest way to decide who should live and who should die.

Charley, whose score is second only to Commander of the city, has been nursing a hatred for the System ever since his older brother was zeroed nine years ago. Now that he's an adult and being clued in to the secrets of the city and the system due to his high score, he's doing his best to find a way to bring the system down forever. As Charley butts heads with Commander Orson, he finds both a friend and a nemesis in the mysterious Grigor, who secretly helps Charley as often as he publicly supports the Commander.

Meritropolis fits into the standard YA dystopian mould, pitting youth and their idealism against the world-weary leaders who support the current system because it has ensured their survival thus far. Ohman has some interesting ideas while constructing the world, however his story seems to be driven by one single idea - that everyone matters, no matter how low their Score is. This comes across as a little forced at times, which somewhat detracts from an otherwise quite enjoyable story.

*I received a free copy of this book via Novel Publicity in return for an honest review.

View all my reviews

Writing goals for 2015

I don't like making goals. I don't like the fact that I almost always never achieve them.

Anyway, a couple of days ago I created a file in Google Docs to track submissions. Because I decided I'm going to get round to writing and submitting stuff. And since I do better with short stories anyway, that's what I'm going to work on more proactively this year while I figure out what I really want to do with the fairy tale novella that's kind of hanging and the rest of my 50K nanowrimo novels that are desperately in need of [dire] edits.

So I figure the idea is to write more short stories and submit them. And if they get published, all well and good. If they don't (or if I miss the deadline), well, by the end of the year or maybe next year, I'll have enough shorts to compile into a book that I'll title "Misfits: an anthology of short stories that didn't fit anywhere else". Or something like that.

I also want to get round to writing the script for Ruth and Joseph, and there's an Easter/Cheng Beng idea somewhere in there. All these half-written, half-thought out ideas really need to be finished.

There's also the collection I started on Medium that I should work on. An article a month doesn't sound like too much, though I am lazy and unmotivated. We'll see where that goes. If any of you want to contribute, e-mail me at posts [at] annatsp [dot] com. That's where I compile all the e-mails that have to do with things I'm posting on behalf of people, such as this Medium thing (if you have a Medium account, I'll just add you as a contributor), guest posts, book tours, blog tours, and all that kind of stuff.

Single & Female

Okay. Actually, that looks like a lot of goals. Let's see how it goes.

---

On a not-quite-writing related note, I'm coming to a point where I'm wondering whether the whole creative arts dream I have is really what I want to do. I mean, I want it to happen, and I think that Penang AND the Church desperately need it... but at the same time, I think that the piece of it I'm gravitating towards is actually just writing the scripts. I don't really care if I do act in them or not. If I could find someone else to deal with the rest of it, I don't mind just sharing the vision.
.sigh.

Remembering the little things

The last post ended rather abruptly, mainly because in looking at the whole year, I slid into a funk that I haven't fully gotten out of yet.

2014 started off well. It was full of promise, it was hopeful. There was a spiritual high, and an almost prophecy, almost blessing for the future. And then somewhere along the way things happened, and things didn't happen, and when you look at it as a whole, it just felt really sad. There was the novella that didn't get published, the creative arts team that barely got off the ground, the audition that didn't work out, the poorly attended workshop, the Christmas script that just couldn't work - just all the things in my head and in my heart that I was hoping would finally work out this year but didn't quite.

And yet, when you look at the little things, there were victories, albeit small ones. I was refreshed at the Jesus Culture Conference, and at Destiny Conference. I completed my A to Z challenge and it was pretty good (as a series of shorts). I actually submitted for something! Yay me! I wrote and read a piece during GTLF14. I attended a Kutless concert live! And got them to autograph my CD! I got round to actually editing something and hired/worked with an editor, putting it together and sending it out for beta (with accompanying heart attack) and though it's not going anywhere yet (revamp of plans, maybe), it's further than I've ever gone before. I won Nanowrimo again, although I did it mainly because I was depressed and I wanted to prove to myself that I could still win at something, which I did, though I haven't gotten round to finishing the story. Oh, and I went for a writing conference and had my own little writing retreat. And I wrote stuff. Which is always a win in my book because I am so super lazy I will one day die of laziness (seriously, I think I will just one day decide not to get out of bed and die surrounded by books because I was too lazy to move or eat). I survived my first actual camping trip ever. I reached my reading goals on Goodreads (hahahahahahahaha). I bought a lot of lovely books. I finally visited USA, even if it's only one state, and for work. I got my kindle (oh gosh, has it only been a year?)! I bought boots. I don't know why I am happy about the boots, but, boots. I met LK Gardner-Griffie in person. I joined writers groups because I can. Whee.

The problem is that it's so easy to dismiss the little things in the light of all the big things that didn't work out. And it's easier to live in the valley of defeat because it's comfortable there, and it's familiar. And frankly it's too much hard work to reach any form of success and it's daunting.

Sometimes we try so hard to be significant, relevant, noticed, that we've forgotten how to just be. We don't know who we are anymore or why we're here.
And that breaks us.
In more ways than we can imagine.

So today I remember the little things. 

Because the little things matter too. 

2014: a year in review

The only time I wish I were on wordpress would be at year end when they do that snazzy year end review thingy, instead of me having to do this manually.

The numbers for this year has been a little dismal - not that I actually tracked anything (I'm just comparing stuff now for the heck of it).
I wrote slightly more posts this year (149 vs 125) but there was a drop of page views from 63K to 53K. Then again, I haven't really been concentrating on my blog, other than the A to Z challenge every April and occasional blog tours and friday flash posts.

Okay, I don't understand these stats - how did the total number of page views for the same post drop from 770 to 754? Mmmmmm

Unreliable blog stats aside, I don't know how to sum up this year.

I would say that the highlights of the year would be my two working trips to San Jose and the new friends I've made along the way. Other than that, I think I've been coasting through most of the year, fighting against procrastination and just being too darned comfortable where I am. It's been a year of evaluation and reevaluation, and in the midst of the peaks where I know where I'm headed and the troughs where I'm convinced I'm heading the wrong way, there's a sense of maybe, just maybe, taking steps in kind of the right direction. I hope.