I struggled reading this. I read all the way to about 20% or so, had to stop to finish some class readings and then when I came back to it (only a day later) I was still so lost I decided to start from the beginning again. That didn't help any.
In concept, it's good. Reaching the end and piecing everything together, it's haunting and beautiful. There are layers and layers of secrets, hinted at and alluded to throughout the novel. There's always that something more you want to know, need to know, that's just a little out of reach. Mostly, it's fine--because Matteo doesn't know either, and it's his grief and his anguish and his grasping that you're living in, even when the POV flits over to Claudio and to Antonio and then back again.
But it's not enough. I spent most of the book confused, wondering when I'd know, when I'd find out what on earth was happening. There's no a-ha moment, no spark in the story that makes you want to devour it and move on and on... just a lingering sense of confusion and maybe if I read the next paragraph, turn the next page, I'll finally be less... lost. Then I reached the end (or the last chapter or so) and went Oh. Eh. Well.
Maybe part of this is the fault of the kindle ARC I was reading. Not all the formatting came through--sections/chapters started in the middle of nowhere, and I mainly knew that because there'd be a missing letter which I assume was supposed to be a drop cap. There were quote-like sentences between paragraphs I later suspected should have been chapter breaks, maybe?
I thought I'd like this one, and am a little sad that it didn't quite work for me after all.
Note: I received a digital copy of this book via Edelweiss. I was given the book with no expectation of a positive review and the review is my own.
Over the years, I have become particularly fond of the saying, “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink.” Not only does it blend in well with the Old West motif of Arizona (where I live), but the words are useful in reminding me of my limitations as a psychotherapist. On an even more fundamental level, this truism reminds me that true power for change always lies within the horse. To simplify the point: everyone has the ability to choose.
This idea was driven home to me when I studied the philosophical psychology of Victor E Frankl. He wrote Man’s Search for Meaning in 1946, after surviving the horrors of Auschwitz. It was his observation that prisoners who held onto some meaning of life would survive much longer than those who had not found an answer to the question, “Why am I here?” He later developed this epiphany into a psychotherapeutic approach called logotherapy. However, what impacted me most profoundly was the fact that even in such an utterly forlorn environment where life and death daily danced on the razor's edge, people could make choices.
This realization informed the development of a central theme for Joshua (central character in my Driven to the Hilt series) - that he has choices before him. Even when events outside his control seem to have stripped away almost all of his options, he can still trust others, much to his mother’s amazement. After his father is killed, he and his mother are subjected to societal scorn, gradually forced to more and more destitute areas of New Cincinnati, until they are literally living next to The Swamp, but they chose to cherish each other. They also have hope, striving to save enough to start a restaurant, and this external goal is the meaning that keeps their lives going despite their circumstances. Both Joshua and his mother chose to draw strength from the motto of his father’s Space Merchant Marine Unit - Resolute.
The threads of this theme are also woven into the story after Joshua is on his own and must choose for himself. But that is not strictly true, since his choices are informed by what he has been taught by his parents. For example, his mother assigns Joshua an essay on the Machiavellian concept, the ends justify the means. This may seem too cerebral for an 11-year-old child, but Rachel expected much from her students and even more from her son. The level of this assignment was intended to be an indirect reference to Joshua’s intellectual capacity, but it also lays a foundation for future choices, one of which will cause Joshua a great deal of pain.
As smart as Joshua is, he is also young and alone when he sees no choice but to eliminate Uncle William. True, he has firsthand evidence that Uncle William cannot be bought off or otherwise negotiated with, that the man holds dear the thought of retribution upon the boy who scarred his face. Also, he is alone and with limited resources. But is he really? He had been resourceful enough to survive The Swamp, one might claim, thrive in the deadly environment. At least Joshua will wonder about this and long second guess whether he really had no other choices.
Ah, there we are again. Choices. He made a clear choice with Uncle William. But when later faced with the choice of stabbing Blondie in the back, he refrained. Even though the Bloodstar gangster was a more immediate threat to his life. His prior choice with Uncle William informed his later choice with Blondie. And finally, while he reconciled himself to death at the end of the chase by Fenster, Joshua did not surrender. He chose to remain Resolute.
So, the next time you are led to water, be sure to weigh all the relevant information, but whatever you decide, make it a mindful choice.
DG Lamb
About DG Lamb:
D G Lamb is a board certified clinical neuropsychologist. His day job involves helping people to become more independent after some type of neurological injury. In addition to a doctorate in Clinical Psychology, he has a Master’s in Art Therapy. He has also worked with law enforcement officers to deal with PTSD after critical incidents. While recovering from prostate cancer surgery, his son suggested he try his hand at creative writing. Although his professional experiences certainly informed aspects of this story, he also drew upon his love of cooking and backpacking the mountain trails of Arizona (where unlike Cypress Grove, it rarely rains).
Check out DG Lamb's website (or click the picture above) for more information on the blog tour plus giveaway!
Driven to the Hilt: The Deepest Cut
Young Joshua finds himself trapped outside the mining colony on the planet Cypress Grove. He faces a dark rainforest infested with a creature so deadly, it has kept all humans confined to their only settlement for decades. If he can manage to survive there, he will then have to brave the even darker dangers of the colony’s criminal
underworld.
It’s a fight for survival, a premature coming of age in an environment demanding resiliency, inventiveness, and self-reliance. But when teetering on the sharp edge of stark choices, can Joshua afford to consider right and wrong, or does expediency rule the day?
Debut author DG Lamb, a clinical neuropsychologist, uses his understanding of posttraumatic stress symptoms to inject psychological authenticity and complexity into Joshua’s personality, creating a damaged, but endearing character.
An inscrutable stranger offers him a deal that seems too good to be true. And it is. Joshua soon faces new challenges to survive in a place he had not believed was even real.
Having successfully evaded the colony’s underworld and corrupt police, Joshua finds himself trapped alone in a sterile white room. But it is no ordinary room, changing and shifting in response to his reactions and behaviors. Ultimately, he will have to make a choice… one that will forever change the direction of his life.
DG Lamb creates a dynamic world full of new challenges and lessons for an endearing young hero. Lamb’s extensive experience as a clinical neuropsychologist and his understanding of posttraumatic stress symptoms injects psychological authenticity and complexity into Joshua and a host of engaging new characters.
Today (well, yesterday, since it's crossed midnight; if you can tell, I just changed my timezone, ha) I met my course tutor/convenor Matt Thorne for the first time, plus 9 out of my 11 other classmates. It's a small class and it was gratifying to know that we were the 30% that made it through to the course. Matt said he regularly turns away about 70% of applicants, which was roughly 50 people this year (don't check the maths, I didn't check it)--I don't know if I should be gratified or if I should be panicking right now because the pressure is on.
HA. Stressssssss...
Anyway, this term, we start with Elements of Fiction and Paths to Publication... and it looks like I won't be able to do the two-week placement I was hoping for because of visa requirements. The publishing houses require a full-time commitment for the placement, but I can only work part-time during term time under the Tier 4 Student Visa. Anyway, I'm going to see if I can get that placement AFTER the course instead (when I'm waiting for graduation), since I'll be allowed to work full-time then. It won't count as part of the coursework (which is fine) but it would really help career-wise, I think. I'm gonna think (i.e. worry) about this a little bit more.
SO. I have two books a week to read for class--at least for Elements of Fiction; I don't know what we need to read for Paths to Publication yet--and I'm in the middle of one right now. And I have an essay to write by Sunday, even before classes actually start but it's 12.30am so I'm just going to sleep and think about it tomorrow. I mean, later today.
I'm still trying to think of a cool hashtag to use for these posts. Help me! #macreativewriting? #CWTNatBrunel? #annaislame? #annasma? #Natzgoesbacktoschool
idk.
eh, goodnight.
p/s. I haven't written a blog blog in EONS. Welcome to the first one :p
Medallion of Murder is about Terry growing up from her reckless days in Diadem of Death--from deciding what to study in university and navigating a fraying long-distance relationship, it seems like life almost as normal. Except for her weird nightmares about Meera. When strange things start happening again, Terry and her band of friends must decide what to do--without getting anyone arrested or killed.
The third book in the Nefertari Hughes Mystery series, Medallion of Murder suddenly seems grimmer and more grown-up than the first two, as it probably should be. After all, Terry has survived death twice by now (or was it three times? I forget). Still, they're teens, so there's a fair share of stupid decisions and light moments scattered throughout the book.
'Expectations' seems to be the theme of this book, whether it's Terry's worry about disappointing her father due to her career choices, or what both she and Zach want from their relationship--and even how Awad seems to expect her to want to leave her peaceful American life. Again, nothing is what it seems, and not everyone is who they're supposed to be, and the Illuminati's involvement just makes everything much more confusing.
It has a good ending though--and one that hints at an even more interesting book to come in the series as Terry and Maude settle into who they are.
Note: I received a digital copy of this book from the publisher via NetGalley. I was given the book with no expectation of a positive review and the review is my own.
I secretly like Than’s nickname for me, Nali, but I would never admit that to him.
I love teaching and working with the little ones, especially telling them stories from Old Earth.
I barely remember my real parents.
I was named after my grandmother, who was named after her great-grandmother. It’s a name that dates back to Old Earth.
I’m very neat. I like to have a place for everything and have everything in its place. One of my favourite chores in the school-wing is to sort the supplies.
I’m fascinated by Old Earth history. I used to search the datablocs for any information about our home planet, and I would love to find the missing datablocs to see what’s on them.
I enjoy being alone by the lake, and I have a spot I sneak away to whenever I can.
Sometimes I pretend I live on the cruiser or another planet and make up stories about my life there.
My hair is my favourite feature, and I keep it long because that’s what I remember most about my mother.
I wish I could be braver, like Dee. She’s so reckless, it scares me to even be her friend at times, but she always enjoys life. Don’t tell her I said that, though, or she’ll be impossible to live with.
Author Lauren Salisbury shares a little about Menali, her favourite character:
We all have things in our pasts, right? Issues that stop us from doing what we were meant to do with our lives. Things we try to avoid at all costs so they don’t happen again. I know I do. That’s what I wanted to write about in Conviction—that struggle with accepting heartache and pain, and the way we sometimes hide behind our faith in order to work around having to face it.
I initially thought Menali was the best-adjusted character in the series. She’s quiet and shy, but I assumed that was her personality type, nothing more. But the more I dug into her past, the more trauma and fear I discovered. She has reason to pause when pursued by a man like Than. There are some truths she definitely does not want to face.
Rather than deal with them, she’s built her life around a set of rules that she thinks she can follow to prevent further loss. She’s not truly relying on God in her time of need; she’s using her faith as a shield against living her life. That’s something I think many of us can relate to. We say, “When God wants me to move on, there will be a huge, miraculous sign to show me the way,” when what we mean is, “I don’t want to be hurt again.”
I believe we are sometimes meant to take risks, to be bold in both our faith and our lives, and to follow God’s lead, even into uncharted territory. I hope that’s the message in Conviction, but you’ll have to pick up a copy to see if you agree.
---
Can two people with opposing principles overcome their differences to be together?
Than has spent his life ostensibly having fun while secretly fighting for his people’s freedom. A member of the underground resistance, he is only ever serious around his comrades and his family. When an injury forces him to step down from active duty and his reluctant nurse sparks his interest, Than finds himself in uncharted territory. The fascinating woman will have nothing to do with him.
Menali’s past has taught her to keep her head down and trust that God has a reason for allowing the human race to suffer on U’du. When Than explodes into her life, he refuses to take no for an answer and challenges all of her preconceptions. He soon has her re-evaluating her priorities and wondering what life with someone like him would be like.
About the Author
Lauren H Salisbury was an English teacher for sixteen years with an MA in Education. She is now a writer who dabbles with tutoring and lives with her husband and a room full of books in Yorkshire, England. She likes to spend winters abroad, following the sunshine and becoming the seasonal envy of her friends. When she’s not writing, she can be found spending time with family, reading, walking, crafting, or cooking. Courage is her debut novel.
Picking up from the end of Courage, Conviction suffers a little from second-book syndrome, in that there's no resolution to the bigger arc of the story, even though there is a resolution to the immediate problem in this one: how on earth (or rather, U'du) Than and Menali are ever going to get together. This means that Gilla and baby Mahsan hardly ever appear, which was a bit of a downer for me because I really, really liked Gilla and wanted to follow more of the bigger baby-Moses-in-space theme.
ANYWAY! Than is awfully stretched in this one--besides doing his best to be a father figure to his niece Mirami, he's also struggling to find his footing in the Resistance now that his role has changed AND trying to court Menali at the same time. You really get to see his pureness and big heart but you also see him bouncing from thing to thing until he starts to settle down and maybe grow up just a little.
Menali also blossoms through the book. Her initial fearful wavering and wishy-washyness gain new impact as you learn more about her past and why she reacts the way she does.
In terms of interesting characters, Aronin is one I'd have liked Salisbury to dwell on a bit more. In Conviction, much more of his backstory is revealed, at least in relation to Menali, so I'm wondering if there's more to be uncovered.
Nothing really happens though--I mean, all sorts of things do happen, including intrigue, subversion, theft, and grievous bodily harm, but because they happen more in the background of the romance, it feels like nothing of the series' goals are being furthered. Everyone is still just waiting for the right time, and the original arc of saving Mahsan's life seems to be in limbo.
So yeah, Conviction is really a space opera romance, which didn't turn out to be 100% my cup of tea. Overall, I liked it, but I really want to find out what's happening with Gilla, Elias and Mahsan. Waiting for book 3: Strength!
Note: I received a digital copy of this book from the author as part of a book launch tour. I was given the book with no expectation of a positive review and the review is my own.
About the Author
Lauren H Salisbury was an English teacher for sixteen years with an MA in Education. She is now a writer who dabbles with tutoring and lives with her husband and a room full of books in Yorkshire, England. She likes to spend winters abroad, following the sunshine and becoming the seasonal envy of her friends. When she’s not writing, she can be found spending time with family, reading, walking, crafting, or cooking. Courage is her debut novel.
Falling from a rooftop Crashing like a raindrop Can you make my heart stop Shaking like a leaf? Standing at the floodgate Steady as an earthquake Can you hear my heart break Tearing at the seems?
So remember the book review of Courage from Wednesday? Book 2 of the Legacy Chronicles launches today!
Can two people with opposing principles overcome their differences to be together?
Than has spent his life ostensibly having fun while secretly fighting for his people’s freedom. A member of the underground resistance, he is only ever serious around his comrades and his family. When an injury forces him to step down from active duty and his reluctant nurse sparks his interest, Than finds himself in uncharted territory. The fascinating woman will have nothing to do with him.
Menali’s past has taught her to keep her head down and trust that God has a reason for allowing the human race to suffer on U’du. When Than explodes into her life, he refuses to take no for an answer and challenges all of her preconceptions. He soon has her re-evaluating her priorities and wondering what life with someone like him would be like.
About the Author
Lauren H Salisbury was an English teacher for sixteen years with an MA in Education. She is now a writer who dabbles with tutoring and lives with her husband and a room full of books in Yorkshire, England. She likes to spend winters abroad, following the sunshine and becoming the seasonal envy of her friends. When she’s not writing, she can be found spending time with family, reading, walking, crafting, or cooking. Courage is her debut novel.
What I signed up for: to help a fellow Realm Maker launch her second book with a blog tour. ('Cos I'm all about the blog tours!) And then I was told that to review book 2, I really should read book 1 as well, so here I am.
What I didn't know I signed up for: BABY MOSES IN SPACE.
So yes, Courage is a FANTASTIC science fiction retelling of Moses--well, the first part of his story anyway so far. Actually, if I hadn't known that going in, I wouldn't have suspected it until much, much later in the story. Salisbury takes her time to establish a credible planet of humans under Esarelian (aliens) rule. It's not an unfamiliar setting--forced labour under strict guard, an underground rebellion, a desperate bid to escape.
Gilla is a compelling protagonist--she's weak yet strong, pushing through her fears and devastating losses to make sure that her children are safe. Then there's Than, her brother, the dashing young playboy who has to grow up quickly and suddenly. Actually, to say that this is a Moses retelling is somewhat odd and wrong. It's actually a reimagining of what Moses's mother, Jochebed, went through to save him. We don't really know much about Jochebed in the Bible, only the bare bones of what happened and how the Egyptian princess came to find the baby in the Nile, so Salisbury has free reign to create her own story--and it's an exciting, action-packed one.
I'm glad I picked this up (on a chance) and am super looking forward to starting on Conviction!
Note: I received a digital copy of this book from the author. I was given the book with no expectation of a positive review and the review is my own.
In conjunction with the launch of Conviction (book 2) on Friday, Courage is on sale at 99c/99p on Amazon and Amazon.co.uk for one week! Grab your copy now, and head over to preorder Conviction as well! (Amazon | Amazon.co.uk)
You touched my heart, you touched my soul,
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind, and that I knew, when
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.
Goodbye, my lover. Goodbye, my friend. You have been the one. You have been the one for me.
I am a dreamer,
And when I wake,
You can't break my spirit.
It's my dreams you take.
And as you move on,
Remember me,
Remember us,
And all we used to be.
---
Today is my last write-in at LUMA. I'll see you next year.
---
I feel like there's more to say, but I don't know how to say it. It's goodbye. For now. I don't know what it will look like, how it will feel when I return.
I will return.
But will it be the same?
Ever since I read Coiled, I think I've been a little bit of a Burke fan. So I was quite excited for Spice Bringer!
The story is set in a lush, beautiful, fantasy world--full of colour and spice--with slightly Indian undertones. I was initially slightly wary of this--after all the publishing kerfuffle and fuss, you tend to look askance at stuff like this... but whilst Burke uses the real world for inspiration, this fantasy world is all her own.
Alk, the ornery fire salamander, is one of my favourite characters in this book. He's sarcastic and prickly, hiding a caring heart that has a soft spot for the girl he watched grow up. The interplay between Niya and Alk made me chuckle with amusement many times. And the ending! It made me cry.
Spice Bringer is all about Sacrifice for the Greater Good and Putting Others Above Yourself, which are good things to read about in this increasingly selfish society. It's also very much a story about Personal Responsibility and Keeping Your Promises. (And I don't really know why I'm capitalising those things.) I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's a story that believes in the good of people.
Spice Bringer is also a love story, of course. What YA fantasy isn't? But Niya knows she will never live a long life, so she vows not to fall in love... and Jayesh is supposed to be a monk, so he's not supposed to fall in love... Can you see that perfectly mushily stupid setup there? There it is... all that diabetes-inducing sweetly forbidden love. It made me cry.
You'll notice I mentioned crying twice already. Which is strange because I rarely ever cry while reading. The one short story that made me cry (a lot) was Orson Scott Card's Gert Fram. Another book I cried (a little) at was J.M. Frey's The Silenced Tale BUT I CRIED THREE TIMES IN THIS BOOK. It's either it's really good or I'm really PMS-ing, or both.
Note: I received a digital copy of this book from the publisher. I was given the book with no expectation of a positive review and the review is my own.
A deadly disease. A vanishing remedy. A breathless journey.
All her life, Niya's known she will die young from the fatal rasp. She survives only with the aid of vitrisar spice and a magical, curmudgeonly fire salamander named Alk. Then an ambitious princess burns down the vitrisar grove in an effort to steal Alk so she can claim her rightful throne. Joined by Jayesh, a disgraced monk, Niya and Alk must flee to the faraway Hidden Temple with the last vitrisar plant, or all who suffer from the rasp will perish.
But even as Niya’s frustration and banter with Jayesh deepen to affection, the rasp is stealing away her breath and life.
For a girl with limited time and a crippling quest, love may be more painful than death.
Spice Bringer releases August 28 so get your copy today!
Born in a small town in north central Oregon, H. L. Burke spent most of her childhood around trees and farm animals and was always accompanied by a book. Growing up with epic heroes from Middle Earth and Narnia keeping her company, she also became an incurable romantic.
An addictive personality, she jumped from one fandom to another, being at times completely obsessed with various books, movies, or television series (Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, and Star Trek all took their turns), but she has grown to be what she considers a well-rounded connoisseur of geek culture.
Married to her high school crush who is now a US Marine, she has moved multiple times in her adult life but believes that home is wherever her husband, two daughters, and pets are.
In GILA: A Journey Through Moods and Madness, Hanna takes you on a journey through mental illness in Malaysia, covering the four most prevalent types: schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, anxiety, and depression. She seems to cover the first two in more detail, most likely because depression and anxiety may also be symptoms/stem from them. It appears as if all are interrelated and interlinked.
I haven't read a non-fiction book other than writing craft books in a while, so Gila is a surprisingly easy and accessible book to read. Half the book is made up of personal anecdotes and the stories of various people who are struggling with--and hopefully winning against--their own minds. Hanna also offers commentary from local mental health professionals, including tips on how to tell if your mental health professional is right for you (it's really about your rapport) and what not to say to someone with a mental illness.
In a country where mental illness is increasing, care is still scarce, and talking about it is often taboo, this book is a good primer to both discover resources as well as to learn how to deal with friends and family in your life who struggle with their mental health.
Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God Oh, it chases me down, fights 'til I'm found, leaves the ninety-nine I couldn't earn it, and I don't deserve it, still, You give Yourself away Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God, yeah
The young princess stood on the balcony, heart pounding. On her right was her mother, regal and assured. On her left, her father smiled, his eyes wide and wary. Further back, Mica's face was studiously blank. She wished she knew what he was thinking. The Steward stood at the fore speaking to the gathered crowd below, his words slow and sonorous, a wealth of years in statesmanship on display. Hono only noticed something was wrong when he stopped mid-sentence.
"Granduncle?"
He didn't reply, his gaze fixed on something in the distance.
Hono stepped forward. "Granduncle? What's the matter?"
The crowd started to buzz as the Steward raised his hand, pointing at something on the horizon.
"He comes."
Everyone turned to look. A dot in the distance resolved into a bird, which soon morphed into a dragon that wheeled above the castle. The people shouted and pointed, some cowering, others running. Chaos reigned below, but the royal family on the balcony observed the dragon solemnly.
"Listen!" the dragon cried and Danis knew it was the Dragon who had first directed him North.
"Listen!" the Dragon bellowed and Mica knew it was the Great Dragon who once told him no and yet again sent him forth into the Deep.
"Listen!" the Great Dragon roared and Hono heard its call resonating in her heart, requiring her to step forth into Destiny.
Then he was gone.
---
Preorder links will be up soon. I'm in the process of doing final edits to A Still, Small Voice before uploading it to online retailers for sale. The target launch date is Sept 24!
Picked up For Us Humans for review via NetGalley mainly because I wanted to read more of Rzasa's work.
It took me a little while to get into this one, probably because of the first person POV (still tends to be a hit-or-miss for me personally) and also because I'm not quite a Trekkie. Which goes to say this book is perfect for sci-fi lovers who can remember multiple episodes of Star Trek (and maybe other science fiction movies/series I don't watch enough of?) to get all the inside jokes I missed.
Still, For Us Humans is an exciting read: high-stakes intergalactic art theft with a side of espionage. For Caz Fortel--whose major talent is lying--to work with Ghiqasu Hounder Prime Nil--who smells lies amongst other things--to find the art thieves, he has to put aside both his prejudice against aliens and unwanted memories of the past. Nil doesn't make it easy either; the alien specifically requested to work alongside a Christian because of his personal quest for Qas and the One Who Died for All--which is exactly one of the things in Caz's past that he refuses to face.
Rzasa deftly serves you a side of theology alongside this cop procedural-thriller-space opera (because why not), but it's tastefully done and doesn't overwhelm the story OR push Christianity down your throat. Instead, it poses the question: what would happen to the Christian religion if aliens were real? Does it destroy faith altogether (because aliens weren't mentioned in the Bible) or is this something that can be worked around and accepted? Some concepts knocking around in there are faintly reminiscent of CS Lewis's Space Trilogy, but in a slightly less heavy-handed manner (if I recall right; it's been a while since I've read the Space Trilogy).
Despite being a "Christian" book (in some form or other), it isn't exactly "clean"--Caz has all but given up on faith ever since the aliens appeared and he's getting over his one-true-love by having multiple one-night stands. Nothing graphic is described, but the implications are there--including the impression that Caz swears a lot, even if it's not exactly written in the book. So if you're looking for a nice, clean, holy Christian read, this probably isn't for you. But if you're looking for more grit and reality and down-in-the-trenches stuff in your Christian fiction, this one's definitely for you.
Note: I received a digital copy of this book from the publisher via NetGalley. I was given the book with no expectation of a positive review and the review is my own.
A Father's heart that's for me
A never-ending story
Of love that's always chasing me
His kindness overwhelming
And hope for me unending
He's never given up on me
I will sing of all You've done I'll remember how far You carried me From beginning until the end You are faithful, faithful to the end
There wasn't a day
That You weren't by my side
There wasn't a day
That You let me fall
All of my life
Your love has been true
All of my life
I will worship You
The premise of the book sounded interesting, but reading it turned out to be rather meh overall.
There's a bit of a disjointed prologue and then first few chapters basically screamed white boy wish fulfilment. You have Owen Thomas, the misfit white male protagonist who's trying his best to hide in the crowd but can't, because oh, he's so smart so he's always picked on. By his side is the ever-so-beautiful, angelic, everybody-loves-her princess Emily Lloyd, who is, of course, also smart and brainy and kind, befriending fat, loud-mouthed, panicky Bea Wells out of the goodness of her heart. Then you need the bullies: James Vanier who has anger management issues and is cruel, angry, and snarky for no reason at all, and his large, dumb, hulking, not-very-verbal muscle friend, Lucas Walton.
There is some development of the characters. Emily turns out to be not so perfect, there may or may not be an upcoming love triangle, and James is horribly annoying through and through. After a while, I felt like I was mostly skimming through the book to get find out what happens in the end. Which is a bit of a non-ending. There's book 2 coming up.
I know I've been raving about stories where readers enter the fictional world recently, especially J.M. Frey's The Accidental Turn Series (https://www.goodreads.com/series/181063) and Jill Bowers's Immortal Writers Series. Battledoors is Wilkinson's offering in that category, but he didn't pull it off quite as well. It'll probably appeal to white male teenagers, though.
Note: I received a digital review copy of this book via NetGalley. I was given the book with no expectation of a positive review and the review is my own.
What is that?
A full scholarship to do a 1-year masters in the UK.
What's covered?
university tuition fees
a monthly stipend
travel costs to and from the UK
an arrival allowance
a homeward departure allowance
the cost of one visa application
a travel grant to attend Chevening events in the UK
What do you have to study?
Anything, actually! When I first talked about it, my parents asked, "Don't they only fund STEM programmes?" (not in those exact words lah). The answer is no--Chevening does fund arts-related programmes too! Somewhere on the site (which I can't find now, lol) it mentions that scholars are selected by the local British High Comm based on the needs of the country (or something like that?) so probably in the past, the focus was on STEM. Based on the current whatsapp group, it feels like 50% are in medical-related subjects, but there's business, law, engineering, journalism, education, and governance. And in the arts, we have writing, cultural studies, media and comms, and comparative lit. yay.
How did you get it?
I applied online, was called for an interview, and was chosen!
So simple meh?
Okay, so the long, convoluted story goes like this...
Sometime in 2016 I thought about applying for Chevening, discovered you had to write 4 essays and then got lazy. Hahaha. BUT THEN IN 2017... my secondary school classmate, Evelyn Teh, became a Chevening scholar... and you know how it goes. (She can means I can also la! Right? Right?)
So even though the journey feels like it's just begun, it really started in August 2017 when I started an application. There's a bunch of stuff you need for your application, but most of it is pretty basic: an existing degree, 2 years' working experience, referees. The difficult part is the essays. Because ESSAYS. ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT TO DO AND WHY. You either have too much to say or not enough, if you get what I mean?
But you're a writer. How hard can it be?
I'm sure that's going to come up 90% of the time. But no. This isn't Sara meets Garuda or freaks out at the pontianak in her room. Or Danis meeting a dragon. This is omg how on earth do I network, I dunno, I talk to a bunch of writers on twitter and facebook and run this write-in that hardly anybody knows about and leadership skills? What leadership skills? Can I claim stressing out over mywritersfest and making detailed excel spreadsheets for events as leadership skills? Ok wait well I was a manager in my past (working) life. I managed people! And teams! And whyyy do I want to study in the UK uh because it's uh UK and like Tolkieeeennnn and CS Lewissss and actually oh why this uni ah? Um, it sounds interesting? It's probably going to help me? And my career goals are to uhhhhhh sell books? Hopefully in Malaysia? Menghebohkan MYWriters and Malaysian writers in the future? *runs around like headless chicken*
Well, obviously the final essays were much more lucid than that (ha) because I was shortlisted for the interview, but the point is this: essays are hard. Work on them. Figure out what you really want. Get people to read them to see if they're excited about it... or just underwhelmed. Freak out a little. And for once, well twice (in your essays and during your interview) in your life, exude the confidence of the mediocre white man. Because you know you really can. You are able to can!
At any rate, my email says I submitted my application in October, way ahead of the November deadline. (Really? I was that kin cheong? haha).
Apply then finish ah?
Not quite. After that came uni applications. You get to pick three courses/universities during the Chevening application, so you should start applying for these as soon as you can. The thing with uni applications is this... I did a four-year dip/advance dip course in TARC, where my application mainly consisted of submitting SPM results and ticking off what course I wanted to study. UK uni applications are... much more complex. They require personal statements (MORE ESSAYS URGH) and references. I technically needed an academic reference but because I graduated in 2006, I asked if I could get two work references and they said ok. Special note on references: make sure all your references are on letterheads and SIGNED. Or at least from OFFICIAL EMAIL ADDRESSES. Because I did not know this was such a sticking point. Haha. Caused little mini panic right there.
Then I had to take an English exam, both for Chevening as well as the uni application. Being the crazy person I am, I had nightmares of not being able to speak English during the spoken IELTS test... when my primary language is... English. Go figure.
All that kept me busy until the interview email arrived in February--and then it was major, major panic time. I hate interviews. My first job interview was basically me chatting with a manager I previously interned with (no interviews required for internships then!). My second job interview was primarily a phone interview (in my pjs haahaha) with a subsequent chat with HR and some outgoing manager which I've mostly blanked out of my mind. I feel like interviews question your right to exist... but that's just me. But yeah, go with all the confidence of the mediocre white man! Toot your horn and show the world how awesome you are! You can go hide under the blankets after its done, but for that short span of time (half an hour? I think? I don't wear a watch and my phone was in the security locker so I actually don't know) you have to sell yourself and your capabilities. NOT sell yourself short. Both sound so similar, I know.
Then it's more waiting... and more waiting... and even more waiting. Until June!
The time after your conditional selection comes is the REAL crunch time. That's when you have to hustle and GET YOUR UNI ACCEPTANCES LIKE ARGH UNI PLEASE LET ME INNNN. The thing is, you need an unconditional offer (some unis only give a conditional until you pay a deposit--but don't!) and do a simple medical check and sign some stuff. I did get my conditional offer from Brunel in May so I had to write in to them with the scholarship stuff to request the unconditional offer.
And then you send in all the stuff they asked for and wait. Because your Programme Officer has to talk to your uni and they're handling like hundreds of other students and unis. So you wait. And you wait and then you wait summore. Okay? Because it was only about a month after I sent them everything that I received a confirmation on the final award letter (FAL). Sigh.
ANDDDD it's only after that that you get your CAS (from the uni) to apply for your student visa. Well, apparently that depends on your specific uni--some people in the group got theirs even before getting their FAL, others are still waiting to get theirs... *shrug*. So I had to wait impatiently. And even after the email notification... it took about 2 weeks for the actual letter to reach my hands.
My Chevening journey has already been one year in the making. I'm SO looking forward to what this next year will bring. Right now, I'm just waiting for my visa application to be processed (submitted everything last week) and then get my flights booked, and I'm off to London next month! <3 I'm counting down to the day I get to announce that I'm celebrating my 34th birthday by starting an MA. LOL. (Yeah, classes start Sept 24.)
Pre-departure briefing and reception is this Thursday so I'm finally going to meet the 30-odd people I've been chatting with on whatsapp since June or something. I forget when. But like forever.
Lessons learnt? Be patient. Be less kin cheong. Be confident. Don't panic. Go in God's grace. :) [But mostly, Waaaaiiiit. Wait summore. Wait longerrrr.]
Deepest Blue by Mindy Tarquini
